Or perhaps there are, thanks again to filmmaker Tom Six and one especially effed-up mind at Etsy: "100% medically accurate!" It's sure to go well with your barfy HC necklace as well. Anyway, click through to view in all its lunch-losing, kitty-pleasing glory.
Sex and the City actress Cynthia Nixon is returning to premium cable for the a new comedy series, The Big C. Again, Nixon will play the supportive friend, only this time it will be to Laura Linney's repressed suburban wife who rediscovers life after learning she has terminal cancer. Brian Cox has been cast as Linney's father and Oliver Platt will assume the role of Linney's immature but well-meaning husband in the Showtime series. [Deadline]
If you can put the rampant nepotism of this project aside -- even Cody Gifford is shaking his head in disbelief -- here's a movie that sounds immediately intriguing. Academy Award nominee Jason Reitman has optioned Elliot Allagash, the debut novel from Simon Rich -- Frank Rich's Harvard educated, Saturday Night Live-writer, 1984-born son -- for his production company and might even wind up directing. Which he really should since Rich's novel -- about a high school nerd who gets help from the high school bad boy to become cool -- sounds like Mean Girls with boys or Fight Club set in Rushmore Academy. Early guesses on stars: Jaden Smith, Eva Amurri, Emma Roberts, Mamie Gummer. [THR]
In a world where late, legendary voice-over artist Don LaFontaine lent his singular baritone to more than 5,000 trailers and TV spots, there's only one way to truly commemorate the man: An educational institution. The SAG Foundation on Friday will open such a facility in Los Angeles, dedicating the Don LaFontaine Voice-Over Lab for the next generation to learn and hone their own crafts. Who knows? Maybe someday even they can star in a GEICO commercial of their own. [THR]
· In some parallel universe, DreamWorks Animation would have outmaneuvered Pixar's staggering weekend by announcing an animated remake of the abjectly bad cult classic Troll 2. Instead, on the startlingly specific coattails of Toy Story 3, we're left with Good Luck Trolls, a riff on the frizzy-haired plastic talismans that seem to reproduce like rabbits in dollar-store bins around the country. An origin story is in order, seriously; here's hoping the Danish manufacturer Dam Things and writers Adam Wilson and Melanie Wilson LaBracio can work that in somehow. [THR]
Apes gets some fresh blood, Ruben Fleischer visits Mike White's Woods, and more Hollywood Ink after the jump.
· VH1 recently exhumed its documentary series Behind the Music with subjects ranging from Pink to Christina Aguilera. It's been boring, but last night's installment may herald a return to form for the onetime thrilling show, thanks to episode subject Courtney Love. Extra footage from her on-camera interview has leaked, and her (unsurprising) candor is pretty awesome. It's not for the profanity-allergic. [PopEater]
After Newsweek's Ramin Setoodeh slammed several openly gay actors -- and earned stinging rebukes from Kristin Chenoweth and Sean Hayes -- some called for the newsmagazine to fire the writer. Instead, he's gotten the equivalent of a promotion: Setoodeh will leave the struggling Newsweek to become a senior writer on People's news and human-interest team, it was announced today. Yes, that's in addition to the offer extended to Setoodeh to visit the Glee set and, uh, "learn about diversity." Some self-hating gays have all the luck! [NY Observer]
While President Obama studies game film to restructure his strategy regarding the oil spill, V.P. and Muppet buddy Joe Biden today went before cameras to announce the adminstration's crackdown on... piracy. "To state it very bluntly, piracy hurts," Biden said at the White House announcement, with attorney general Eric Holder by his side. "It hurts our economy, our health and our safety." And, conveniently, it's not a mile below the Gulf of Mexico. For his part, Holder is reorganizing the entire Justice Department for the crusade, creating "a task force, as well as hiring 15 new Assistant U.S. Attorneys and 20 FBI special agents dedicated to combating domestic and international IP property crimes." Awesome! Next up: Re-hiring the Department of the Interior. [THR]
Sure, Christopher Nolan's priority right now might be Inception, but to judge from the golf cart he rides around the Warner Bros. lot, another Batman film is never far from his mind. And yeah, this mockup of Bruce Wayne's Tumbler from The Dark Knight even has a jet engine in the back, just in case Nolan needs to make a speedy escape from studio executives trying to upsell him on 3D. [This LA Life via Slashfilm]
Ryan Murphy has something explicit to say about the young folks of Glee acting on hormonal urges in their trailers. "I've dated people I've worked with and, you know, when you work on a set for 18 hours a day I think it's natural," the Glee creator told Heat. "But I have a rule: don't do it in your trailer! They've broken that rule on many occasions. I'm like, 'I know you guys are young and hormonal, but don't do it in your trailer'." They've broken that rule?! On many occasions?! There goes Madonna corrupting the youth again. [ONTD]
· The poster for Rob Reiner's new film Flipped looks like if Corey Feldman's character in Stand by Me got a girlfriend and decided to visit Terabithia. I'm in.
· The Syfy network is giving fans a chance to write their own Saturday night movie. I'm penning a time-traveling hero's tale where the protagonist revisits when we all agreed "Syfy" was a dumb name.
· Bachelorette contestant Justin, the one with crutches and a wrestling degree, has a girlfriend. Ali confronts him next week, storms off into a carefully filmed sunset, and learns to begin again.
· Jerry Seinfeld took a break from screaming with laughter over the The Marriage Ref's success to have an opinion: Lady Gaga is a jerk!
· TV Land's Hot in Cleveland, which has been on air for one week, was just picked up for worldwide distribution. Betty White turns a flip-flop in victory.
· Lighters (and blunts) in the air: Alanis Morissette and Jennifer Jason-Leigh will return to Weeds.
I know it seems like his exploits were only yesterday, but infamous, God-swindling Vatican CFO* Rafaello Follieri is about halfway through his prison sentence for fraud. (He is scheduled to be released in May 2010 2012.) Meanwhile, the jewelry and other fine accessories he bought for ex-girlfriend Anne Hathaway with fraudulently acquired cash -- thus making them fraudulently acquired bling, and poor Anne none the wiser -- are only now landing on the auction block, thanks the U.S. Government. Read on for a full inventory.
Back when the Footloose remake had Zac Efron set to star for his High School Musical director Kenny Ortega, it seemed like a no-brainer proposition, but as Efron, Ortega, and then fill-in lead Chace Crawford left the project, Footloose had less and less reason for being. Still, Paramount pressed on, and new director Craig Brewer has now cast a virtual unknown to fill the dance slippers of Efron and Crawford. Let's meet him!
In today's superhero-saturated world, do we really need a return engagement with a whole bunch of putative crusaders who almost never use their powers? That was NBC's thinking when the network snuffed the low-rated Heroes, and though creator Tim Kring has been trying to muster up support for a wrap-up movie, he admits to EW that he network has yet to pull the trigger. "Movies sometimes need a little distance from the television show," he rationalized. Sorry, Tim. We've already moved on to Ant-Man. [EW]
Sad news out of the ABC dating franchise, The Bachelor. Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi have broken up, effectively ending their engagement. Said one of Pavelka's representatives in a statement: "Jake and Vienna have split and appreciate the respect for their privacy at this time." Because two people who had their entire courtship and relationship played out on various ABC reality shows certainly deserve privacy when something actually interesting happens between them. For statheads, this brings the total number of failed Bachelor-based relationships to 13. [E!]
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