The Oscars Could Really Use Another Streaker
In the grand tradition of the late, great Robert Opel: "It's long been rumored that Opel’s streak across the screen was not necessarily a unilateral act of transgression by Opel, and that he may have had a co-conspirator or two. The facts that he gained access to the backstage area in order to stage the streaking, and that he was given a post-show press conference, give rise to the suspicion that the event was set-up by the producers of the broadcast, maybe to give the long-venerated institution a little jolt." [The Awl]
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The Republican primary has certainly had a number -- with one after another oddball intruding on denatured Romney's sealed-deal show. There's some movement that direction, but I don't think that ultimately people want the Oscars to partake of that kind of show ... if someone streaks entrance s/he'll be tazed into dithers within miliseconds, probably to everyone's applause. What I want is an actor or two to surprise by presenting with ape masks; but I think that type has been edited out of Hollywood.
Today's society is a devolved stuffy one. No, scratch that. What a paranoid, suspicious, easily-offended, overly-sensitive, overly-vigilant, mean-spirited, draconian and over-reactionary world we live in today thanks to our fear-mongering politicians and the media.
Today's streaker would be deemed a sexual "deviant" and represent an ongoing liability to society and would have to register for LIFE as a sex offender.
Plus, we'd have to hear for weeks about how indecent it is, and the amount of fines the FCC would level upon ABC for allowing such an image to be shown, while the internet would show it in full uncensored glory for months to follow with no complaints.
Like Janet Jackson's nipple.
That being said, I wouldn't put it past Clooney to do it, just to liven things up a bit, yet I feel that were Dujardin to do it, he'd do so with effortless charm and everyone would think it's cute.
Uggie would do it in a second. MAKE IT HAPPEN, ACADEMY.
Clooney won't do anything that would genuinely risk his being ostracized. He's made to be the ultimate rascal so we don't have to acknowledge what else kind might exist -- if you're not authorized you're not part of the alphabet, let alone an example in a dictionary. What Clooney can be counted to do is, after mr. or mrs. noob ran onstage and found him/herself instantly tazed into convulsions and drool, to make a joke of it sometime in the evening, a joke which gave the appearance of portraying some empathy for the poor sod but really worked to cusp the audience away from doing anything so ridiculously wayward. After his authorizing us all to move on, reminding us that for what we do we sit in comfort, we'd chuckle ... and sprout instant erections. Clooney ... our pied-piper into hell.
Perhaps a reemergence of The Fassboner in protest of his snub?
From your mouth to God's ears, AS.
How about we ENFORCE streaking! No winner can ever actually touch his/her Oscar unless he/she accepts it totally nude! If you walk onstage in clothing, the music immediately stops and the Oscar girl snatches the Award and hightails it backstage to a huge safe. Then, as a treat for not getting to see any celebrity nudity, we at least get to see which ones are desperate enough to actually chase after the Oscar girl before she reaches the safe. Even then, no clothed actor will ever be allowed the adjective "Oscar-winning" on talk shows, entertainment show or on trailers. That benefit goes to only naked acceptors.
This would certainly change the amount of campaigning, no? And maybe the nominees could then spend months treating the Academy and journalists like shit in a desperate attempt NOT to win, which would be way more fun than all the glad-handing going on now.
Do you really want to see Christopher Plummer nude?