Valentine's Day Showdown: Reese Witherspoon Moved Up, Catherine Zeta-Jones Shipped Direct to DVD

Valentine's Day is a little less than a month away, and much like you trawling the supermarket for last-minute goodies to romantically rain down on your perennially disappointed significant other, Hollywood has cobbled together not one but two faintly savory last-minute options for the lovers out there.

Fox announced late Wednesday that thanks to "outstanding test screenings and strong word of mouth," it would release the Reese Witherspoon/Tom Hardy/Chris Pine-starring, McG-directed spy-love triangle rom-com This Means War on Feb. 14 proper -- a Tuesday, three days ahead of the film's original Feb. 17 release date. "Starting Valentine's Day, we're making WAR, not love," said distribution boss Bruce Snyder in a statement. "We’re armed and ready with the perfect movie. This is a picture that that has it all – humor, charm, wit and action – and it plays through the roof."

Forsooth! Hath thy loins bestirred? OK, fine. How about this, then: The Catherine Zeta-Jones/Justin Bartha rom-com The Rebound, shot in 2008 at the apex of the whole "cougar" movement. This was the one bankrolled by the defunct studio/distributor The Film Department, on whose shelf it sat domestically for years while doing reasonably well on the international circuit. Now it, too, is under the Fox label, but straight to video, alas.

So what could keep a Catherine Zeta-Jones rom-com in limbo all these years? Was No Reservations so bad? What's it all about? Here's Fox's sell (via press release):

Upon discovering her husband’s infidelity, Sandy (Zeta-Jones) and her two kids move from the suburbs to pursue a new life in the big city. There she meets Aram (Bartha), a local coffee shop employee whose wife only married him as a means to getting her green card. The two strike up a friendship which eventually evolves into something more. But it isn’t long before they’re faced with the big question - “Is this real or just a rebound?”

Arriving just in time for Valentine’s Day and featuring electrifying chemistry between Zeta-Jones and Bartha, The Rebound also features fantastic supporting performances from Lynn Whitfield (The Women, Madea’s Family Reunion), John Schneider (The Dukes of Hazzard, Lake Placid 2) and music legend Art Garfunkel.

AHEM. John Schneider and Art Garfunkel? Hardy and Pine don't stand a chance! Neither do you! Just break up already, seriously.