Liveblogging Six New Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked Clips...So You Don't Have To!

0:04 - We've made it to the fourth clip here. It's best to just power through.

0:10 - Three observations about Jenny Slate's character: (1) She's easily the least annoying human (sorry, Dave) we've encountered in these clips (2) She's the best-groomed person-who-has-been-trapped-on-an-island-for-eight-odd-years I've ever seen and (3) She knows how to rock a fanny pack.

0:18 - The chipmunks zipline to their new friend's place. There is nothing unusual about this.

0:11 - The kids/chipmunks/squirrel monsters/stars are stuck on the island and scrounging for food. Alvin finds a mango with no intention of sharing, and a full-on mango chase ensues.

0:18 - The first and hopefully last Charlie Sheen reference of the threequel: Alvin shouts "Winning!" after spinning a mango basketball-style on his finger.

0:21 - The gods, having heard this shameless Charlie Sheen reference, punish him fittingly by slamming him into a tree.

0:27 - Theodore, wheezing under his own weight and the added mass of his hot mango, trips over a rope. I will never not find the clumsiness of chunky chipmunks funny.

0:47 - Oh, here's that Lord of the Rings reference everyone requested: A Chipette greedily guards the mango while declaring in a Gollum-like tone, "My precious. My precious."

1:00 - Another Chipette grabs the mango and holds it high above her head, declaring, "A day on this island and we've become animals." Well played, Fox. Well played.

0:10 - As you half expected, this last clip centers around a barf bag and a runaway beverage cart.

0:15 - About that jungle monster costume that Eleanor fashions for the pear-shaped chipmunk out of a barf bag -- I'd like to think that this is director Mike Mitchell's way of addressing the critics who ridiculed the Chipmunks franchise from the very beginning. Sure, these movies are the cinematic equivalent of glossy barf bags -- but if manipulated correctly, they can also be crudely-fashioned excuses for comedy that a certain audience may find enjoyable.

0:26 - Now that I'm done stretching for an analogy, Alvin appears over loudspeaker for more hijinks. Per usual, Dave and I don't find Alvin's riff hilarious. Before Dave can discipline the most charismatic of his chipmunk trio, a rogue beverage cart defies the laws of physics, rams into Dave and causes Dave to FLY OVER said beverage cart backwards.

0:45 - Not a single flight passenger reacts to this beverage cart stunt or the fact that there are chipmunks coloring barf bags on their flight. The horror!

0:56 - Cue Dave yelling "Alvin," and me powering down my laptop, determined to never watch even a snippet of any Chipmunks feature again.

[via Hollywood.com]

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