Bad Movies We Love: Clue
For once in Bad Movies We Love history, I'm both speechless and teary-eyed. The holiday season is here, and as far as I'm concerned, that means it's time to wheel out the movies that are fucking dependable -- the ones that enrich our families, provide nourishment for our newborns, and encourage Jesus to be more of a hilarious character actress. For me, this means one movie -- my favorite movie -- and one that could be considered bad if you are a heartless, freakish, braindead moviegoer who thinks that skittish ensemble comedies based on board games might be stupid. I would strangle those people in a poorly lit billiard room. The movie is Clue, it's the one thing on Earth I'm positive I love, and I want to hug you as I write this. Girl, let's hold our candlesticks high, our dignities low, and bludgeon the daylights out of Mr. Boddy.
Where to begin, darlings? Even in terms of campy, overpopulated '80s comedies, Clue is an anomaly. It resembles the (pretty unwatchable) Peter Sellers murder mystery Murder By Death in appearance and tone -- and Eileen Brennan flaps about in both -- but Clue defies the familiar whodunit genre with three strange attributes:
1. A rigid adherence to the characters, gameplay, and vaguely glamorous world inside Clue's 2-D mansion;
2. An excess of jokes concerning Communism, J. Edgar Hoover, and shady politicians of the 1950s;
3. A cast that is trying so hard to sell every one-liner, aside, and petty plot machination that we see steam fly up from Lesley Ann Warren's décolletage every four minutes.
For a frothy mystery comedy, it is deeply labored effort. I can't gauge how or if a first-time viewer will appreciate the charismatic brio I so deeply cherish here. In fact, to an amateur, Clue may just seem like a barrage of underwritten jokes.
But I don't care. I am an indoctrinated attendee in Clue's sprawling manor, and I can't limit myself to choosing five fabulous parts of the movie. Since I ruined your life last week with Who's That Girl, I'll edify you with a lengthier tribute to Clue's greatness. I'm picking its 25 most amazing moments. You can't stop me -- not with your revolver, your Jell-O rendering of Colleen Camp, or your Academy Award nomination for Private Benjamin. Sit back and giggle at the splendor.
(I realize that some of this won't make sense to first-timers, but please just let me freestyle here. True Clue lovers can't blather enough about their adoration. Spoilers everywhere.)
25. The absolute lamest joke about Communism possible -- repeated twice.
Allow Miss Scarlet (the ravishing, Oscar-nominated Sarandon doppelganger Lesley Ann Warren) to define Communism for you. Pretty fishy!
24. The shamelessly hacky plot
For the uninformed: Clue is about the game's six familiar characters (Miss Scarlet, Professor Plum, etc.) who are invited to a dinner party. Their host Wadsworth (Tim-effing-Curry) introduces them to a man named Mr. Boddy, who Wadsworth reveals is blackmailing all of them. Boddy turns up dead. Then other peripheral characters turn up dead. Wadsworth solves the murders and begins to explain how he figured them out. Then the movie treats us to -- pay attention now -- three separate endings, each with a different explanation for the 6-7 murders that occur in the mansion. Vamping and jokes ensue. Credits. It's "Choose Your Own Adventure" for an Agatha Christie crowd. You're hooked or you're not a person.
23. Unnecessarily fantastic and nonsensical cameo #1: A character from Madeline Kahn's past
Wadsworth, in the throes of explaining how each of the murders occurred in ending #3, accuses the dark and mysterious Mrs. White of strangling Yvette the maid. He declares, "You were jealous that your husband was schtupping Yvette -- that's why you killed him, too!" The word "schtupping" is no accident. Madeline Kahn earned her second Oscar nom for playing Lili von Shtupp in Blazing Saddles. And Clue, of course, knows that you know that. Because it loves us.
22. Mr. Boddy is played by a notorious SNL musical guest.
Lee Ving, the aptly monikered actor who plays Clue's famously offed victim, possesses a hotheaded, Sean Penn-adjacent grit as Mr. Boddy. Indeed, he's a true showbiz rioter: As the lead singer of the L.A. punk outfit Fear, Ving led a Saturday Night Live musical performance that devolved into audience stage-diving and thrashing. Producer Dick Ebersol stopped the performance midway through and cut to a pre-taped rehearsal performance in its place. That's about as rock n' roll as Clue gets. Because ahem:
21. The soundtrack -- for white people who love white people who rip off black people
Clue is set in 1954 New England, and the hilariously pre-Elvis soundtrack reflects that. The two key records playing throughout the manor are Bill Haley and the Comets' tidy rendition of Big Joe Turner's much more libidinous "Shake, Rattle, and Roll" and the white doo-wop group the Crew Cuts' version of The Chords' "Sh-Boom." Go back to the Delta and whine about it, black innovators! The whites are loving their un-syncopated good times. Shake it, Yvette.
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Since in depth theories about "Clue: the Movie" are something of a specialty of mine (I know, weep for me), here's my take on Yvette's final moments: her killer asks "Did anyone recognize you?", meaning any of the party guests. However, when the cop arrives inquiring about the motorist's abandoned car, he points to Yvette and asks, "Don't I know you from someplace?" This, I think, is what she means by "they're not the only ones."
What really cooks my noodle about this scene? No matter what ending scenario you go with, any of Yvette's killers have been present the entire night and would've known whether or not someone recognized her. So why ask? AND! AND! When the noose slips around her neck, Yvette, surprised, says "It's you!". Who was she *planning* to meet in the first place?! AND! AND! AND! She drops her French accent completely, the sly devil!
Thanks, Louis, this has been a productive morning.
This is definitely my favorite comedy of ALL TIME!! I dressed as Ms. Khan's Mrs. White for Halloween in the 5th grade and it was amazing (although none of my lame friends at school got it at all) due in large part to accessories from my grandma.
"I had to stop her screaming..." lmao
this is one of my favorite comedies of all time. i quote it quite often, especially Madeline Kahn's flame speech, which i did not know until reading this was ad-libbed. amazing.
I danced my first dance at my wedding to Sh Boom, because I heard the song in Clue at a young age and loved it (as well as every other bit of this movie) ever since.
Anyone who thinks "Clue" is a bad movie, whether they love it or not, is simply wrong.
I don't think Clue is a bad movie either.
"Mrs. Peacock was a MAN!?!?" is still one of my all-time favorite scenes.
Sadly, they don't make comedies like this anymore...
The impending remake better watch itself!!
Thank you for unpacking this crucial cinematic moment, Mike. Now I can't stop thinking about it again.
Clue was such an awesome movie. I love anything with Tim Curry in it, and he just killed as the butler. The entire cast was just exceptional though, and I try and see this once every couple years or so. Can’t wait until my kids are old enough to watch it with me.
Re: #13- Every time I hear him say that about his wife, I always think he is going home to Annette O'Toole too. Even though they weren't married at the time this movie was made.
Clue is one of my favorite movies and this review was awesome. I didn't know that Carrie Fisher was supposed to be Miss Scarlett. I love Carrie Fisher, but I think it turned out for the better anyway.
awesome!! i love that movie sooo much 🙂
Life would be a dream with The Winch!
The remake is supposed to be "an international thriller." In other words, it will hopefully be something totally unrelated to our cherished Clue.
This is war, Peacock! I love this movie so much it's just plain ridiculous. "LET US IN! LET US IN!" "LET US OUT! LET US OUT!" Magical.
Mr. Virtel, if I ever had any doubts about you being my soulmate, they have been put to rest! I'd dance with you and a corpse to Sh-boom any time!
Also, YES! The Yvette thing has baffled and confounded me for years!
To make a long story short.
Too late.
Mrs. White: Men should be like Kleenex - soft, strong and disposable.
Col. Mustard: You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies!
Mrs. White: Flies are when men are most vulnerable.
Col. Mustard: Right!
I honestly have never met a single person in my life who loves Clue as much as I do, and this made me a happy happy girl. In fact I'm going to go watch it right now and quote it the entire time. 🙂
Okay I confess - I don't really get this column. I mean, I love reading it and always lol, but these movies are rarely BAD. Sure, CLUE isn't a masterpiece of cinema but it's a cult classic based on good word of mouth. When people laugh about CLUE they're laughing at their favorite zany one liners. On the other hand, when people laugh about SHOWGIRLS and GLITTER and GREASE 2, we're laughing at the incredibly poor decisions being made by basically everyone involved to the point that we cherish their awfulness. Isn't that what a "bad movie we love" should be?
I have just spent a lovely half hour reading this and reliving all my favourite moments. Thank you. My absolute fave bit ever is Madeline Kahn's 'flames' - sublime!
I thought I was the only person who loved this movie! With this cast, they didn't really have to even have much of a movie anyway. Haven't seen it in a few years though, hope I can fine it somewhere.
Meant, "they didn't really have to even have much of a story anyway." This comedians could have ad-libbed from start to finish, it would have been funny. This cast could have taken on Scrabble. Or Chutes and Ladders. Didn't matter.
"Is there a little girl's room I could use?" "Oui oui madame." "No I just need to powder my nose." This movie is all about taking jokes that are THAT terrible and making them funny for being that terrible.
OMG OK I have just recently discovered the best movie on the planet...CLUE. In one month I have watched it about four times!!!!
Thanks for unmasking Yvette's death monologue for me, it was really confusing. Also i love the way you phrase this review THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ROCK!!!!
oh by the way yeah Miss scarlet's dress kinda sags a lot, but it doesn't have a back or shoulders! and she doesn't really obviously pull it up, so kudos for that. Plus why steam?
OK i'm not done yet, but that will suffice for now.
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