The 9 Most Scathing Critical Responses to New Year's Eve

We may remember this as the week David Fincher and Scott Rudin went to war on movie critics, but think of it this way: If critics couldn't get an early look at Garry Marshall's New Year's Eve, then how would any of us ever know what a soul-rending atrocity it is? I mean, even Pete Hammond hated this movie! He was in some fine company, too:

9. · "Lately Garry Marshall has shown a certain genius for turning miserable holidays into terrible movies. With Valentine's Day he showed how that celebration of masochism can be a vehicle for smarmy sentiments, musty jokes, and rickety contrivances. Here the eponymous feast of forced fun takes a beating, not to mention some Oscar winners who might add firing their agents to their list of resolutions." -- Peter Keough, Boston Phoenix

8. · "Put together [with Valentine's Day], these movies represent the most expensive and arguably worst-written Love Boat sweeps month ever created."

-- Alonso Duralde, The Wrap

7. · "Other filmmakers might have too much respect for Michelle Pfeiffer [...] to ask her to deliver a line like 'I'm pathetic, dude' to rocking teen heartthrob Zac Efron. Not Marshall. It's safe to say that no idea was nixed on the set of New Year's Eve for being too cheesy or sentimental; if anything, ideas were nixed for not being sentimental or cheesy enough." -- Nathan Rabin, AV Club

6. · "These characters are so nominal that when, say, Lea Michele gets stuck in an elevator with Ashton Kutcher, that's exactly how you think of the set-up, and when the doors finally open you half expect them to scurry off to the sets of Glee and Two and a Half Men, where they may be contractually fined for their tardiness." -- Alison Willmore, Movieline

5. · "If I say I don't much care for New Year's Eve, I risk sounding like a curmudgeon. But I have zero reservations about telling you how much I loathed New Year's Eve, a soul-sucking monument to Hollywood greed and saccharine holiday culture." -- Sara Stewart, NY Post

4. · "I'm not even going to begin to summarize the paltry series of subplots the all-star cast is trapped in. I like you too much." -- Roger Ebert, RogerEbert.com

3. · "Like the stroke of midnight, New Year's Eve disappears almost instantly, leaving little behind but limp streamers and the sense that, surely, there was a better party going on somewhere else." -- Moira Macdonald, Seattle Times

2. · "Offering around a dozen barely there, aggressively agreeable mini-stories spliced together and spit out with lawnmower-style eloquence, the film is pushed to punishing lengths by the engorged cast list, which prevents any individual plot from deepening beyond single-sentence character descriptions and dilemmas. The overall effect is like being crushed under an avalanche of throw pillows." -- Andrew Barker, Variety

1. · "It is so bad that if Chechnya President Ramzan Kadyrov ever sees it, he will make a statement that begins 'Had I known about this film at the time...'" --

Peter Sobczynski, eFilmCritic

[Reviews via Rotten Tomatoes]