Bad Movies We Love: Australia

Screen shot 2011-10-05 at 2.34.15 AM.png3. Hugh Jackman's torso gives an astonishing performance

Forgive me, but nothing about Wolverine is hot. The claws are contrived, the grit is manufactured, and his muscles look like roid-y cysts. He looks mutant, frankly! In Australia, Hugh's physique is still otherworldly, but it's mostly just 'STRALIAN. Nobody embodies "strapping" like Jackman, and I'm pleased to say he shows off his tautness like an overconfident high school wrestler whose Muscle Milk diet is finally kicking in. He even drenches himself with buckets of water at times! What a feeling! He doesn't stay shirtless for the movie's whole duration, but Baz Luhrmann probably justifies that snafu on the Blu-ray commentary.

2. Australian-rules tonsil hockey

Once you get past the film's jaw-breakingly hilarious dialogue (which includes Hugh's line, "I mix with dingos, not duchesses," and kid actor Brandon Walters's plea, "Let's get them no-good cheeky bull in the big bloody metal ship!"), you're left with a winsome movie that leads up to one gnarly makeout. Hugh and Nicole come on slow in this seminal smooch, with Kidman emanating a crosseyed, awestruck vibe throughout. Compelling. Hugh inches in with assurance and stoic lip paralysis, but he eventually warms to sucking face with the girl like a human being. Put this user-generated clip on mute and see the succulent lip duel at once.

1. The reaction shot of Nicole Kidman's career

When it comes to Nicole Kidman's best moments on the big screen, save your arguments for To Die For and The Hours; in Australia, she gathers together so much comedy in one reaction shot that I can't believe it's in this alarmingly self-serious movie. Early in the film, her character remarks on a herd of kangaroos running alongside her car. She's delighted! She cheers! She slips into a Cate Blanchett-in-The Aviator accent! And then... well, just watch it. It'll redefine your appreciation of stupid sight gags and give you a sense of the silliness behind within those Eyes Wide Shut.

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Comments

  • JoD says:

    All true. But in many ways this movie is really hilarious. It is like the weird imagery of your own mind when you read a book.
    Yes, it sort of is like reading a book, watching "Australia". It's long, its super kitsch, but just because of that super fun to watch; And in my mind will forever stick Nicole asking a kid whom she tries to bond with: "Would you like to hear a story?" Her tone and her despair about having to do something she absolutely doesn't know how to do - handling kids (and "The Driver" for that matter) - are expressed in a really really cute way. It's a lot of slapstick in there. And implausibility. But also some spiritual value, seriously.