The 9 Most Smurfing Critical Responses to The Smurfs

In a total non-surprise, it seems many of the nation's film critics have said "smurf off" to Raja Gosnell's new animated/live-action hybrid, The Smurfs. The three-apple-high 3-D menace is currently rocking a 17 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, putting it in league with Zookeeper as one of the worst reviewed films of the summer. If only critics had followed along with Movieline's handy review chart, all this angst would have been avoided! Ahead, the nine smurfiest smurfing reviews of The Smurfs.

9. "It tries to appeal to kids with pratfalls, potty humor and the substitution of 'Smurf' for every possible noun, verb and adjective. It tries to appeal to adults with pointless cameos by Tim Gunn and Joan Rivers. Gunn looks around with the disappointed expression he usually reserves for those Project Runway contestants who are an hour from deadline, and Rivers delivers her one line as if she is hoping her face will look as lively as the expressions of the animated characters. It doesn't." -- Nell Minow, Chicago Sun-Times

8. "Now comes The Smurfs movie -- directed by Raja Gosnell, the go-to hack for live-action adaptations of classic animated properties, and scripted by four automatons whose names suggest they may be part of the Witness Relocation Program -- to nail the coffin shut, to remind us that there's no bigger bitch in life than nostalgia." -- Ed Gonzalez, Slant Magazine

7. "'80s nostalgists who always wanted to see Gargamel get Tasered--or watch rapping Smurfs improvising a version of "Walk This Way" with lyrics about Smurfette's hotness--need look no further than this update, but there's little reason for childless adults to see The Smurfs, unless they're just curious to know how far filmmakers can go in using feigned sincerity to sell a thoroughly calculated, cynical product." -- Tasha Robinson, A.V. Club

6. "Why does the villain Gargamel (Hank Azaria) have a name that sounds like a sore-throat product? Why are there countless male Smurfs and only one female? (The mind boggles.) Why do they only know one song, and why is it so irritating? So many questions." -- Moira Macdonald, Seattle Times

5. "[I]n case you're wondering, yes, I do rather feel like an idiot, complaining about a Smurfs movie on grounds of inconsistency of tone. But what the smurf else am I supposed to do, I ask you." -- Glenn Kenny, MSN

4. "It may be going a little far to suggest that taking your little one to The Smurfs -- this season's pre-K equivalent of Transformers: Dark of the Moon -- borders on child abuse. But be warned that if you do, in the film's words, you'll be 'up Smurf creek without a Smurfing paddle.'" -- Lou Lumenick, New York Post

3. "Not only does The Smurfs include a Guitar Hero/Rock Band sequence (like Hop) and a Brokeback Mountain reference (like Gnomeo and Juliet), it also just lazily smurfs around without even smurfing what it smurfs. Gargamel even calls Papa Smurf 'goody blue shoes,' despite the fact that his shoes are smurfin' red. Smurf this smurf, and these smurfin' jokes." -- Matt Pais, Red Eye Chicago

2. "Raja Gosnell's The Smurfs is the smurfiest movie I've ever smurfed. No, wait. That sounds too positive. How about, 'I wouldn't smurf Gosnell's The Smurfs on my smurfiest enemy.' There, that's better." -- Sean O'Connell, The Washington Post

1. "It's a Smurfs movie. What did you expect?" -- Luke Y. Thompson, E!