5 Movie-Related Jokes for Charlie Sheen's Comedy Central Roast

Please tell me you meet the news of Charlie Sheen receiving his own Comedy Central roast with a mixture of giggles and groans. Giggles for the potential insanity, and groans for the certain eventuality of tired-ass jokes about #winning, tiger blood, warlocks, and the eternal comic goldmine that is domestic abuse. Dicey. Thankfully, Movieline remembers that Charlie Sheen was once a (spit take!) movie star, and we think there's amusing stuff to mine from his 30 years on the big screen. Join us as we offer roasters some cinephile fodder.

Film: Apocalypse Now

Roaster: Emilio Estevez

Line: "Yes, you had a cameo in Apocalypse Now, but you didn't give Dad the heart attack he had on set. No, no. You gave Dad the alcoholism he had for the next 25 years."

Film: Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Roaster: Jeffrey Ross

Line: "You're looking a little rougher these days, Charlie. We wanted to invite your old Ferris Bueller costar Jennifer Grey but figured she'd mistake you for the current Patrick Swayze."

Film: Platoon

Roaster: Whitney Cummings

Line: "You said you 'won Best Picture at 20.' Well, Charlie, I saw that movie, and if anyone deserves an award for being covered in shit and dodging bullets, it's one of your hookers."

Film: The Chase

Roaster: Jon Cryer

Line: "I loved you in The Chase, a movie about a criminal who kidnaps a woman, evades authorities, and makes headlines as a maniac on the lam. I don't know what Roger Ebert had to say about it, but I believe it's a solid documentary."

Film: Men at Work

Roaster: Lisa Lampanelli

Line: "I can't believe you and Emilio starred in a movie called Men at Work. That's like Andy Dick starring in a movie called Man in P*ssy."

· Comedy Central To Roast Charlie Sheen, Will Air On Same Night Ashton Kutcher Debuts On 'Two And A Half Men' [TVLine]