Let's Guess the Plot of the Ouija Board Movie!
About once a year we hear something new about the Ouija movie, which, as far as I can tell, is the first movie based on a "game" where there isn't a winner. It's not a game, actually. It's cardboard. It's a flattened cereal box with the decoder ring taped to the outside. Since you're surely intrigued by this inanimate slab's transformation into a "supernatural action-adventure movie" and the news that Mr. and Mrs. Smith scribe Simon Kinberg was hired to polish it, let's take a couple of cracks at the plot.
1. A man see a haunting message on his Ouija game and tries burying it in the backyard, but his dog keeps stealing his master's chair and replacing it with the board. That Marmaduke!
2. After almost 40 years, Regan (Linda Blair) reunites with her childhood Ouija board and grizzled old devil friend Captain Howdy. Since his halcyon days, Howdy has fallen on hard times, and Regan -- now a journalist -- pledges to write his story, tell the world about his ingenious new song "The Weary Kind," and try not to fall in love with him. Fortunately, the lonely journo's Ouija board spells romance for the unlikely pair, and they trot off in satanic bliss. Max von Sydow plays a saloon proprietor.
3. Jumanji, but with perverted yes-or-no questions for grownup Kristen Dunst.
4. Candy Land, but with Ouija-placed concerns about Lord Licorice's sexual orientation.
5. Three kids sit around a mystical old gameboard, and after manipulating its magnifying glass and reading some foreboding messages, they realize that movies based on board games will be around for years to come. The kids kill themselves.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith writer joins 'Ouija' [/Film]
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With this moving forward I now am getting very excited about my dream of finally seeing a "Magic 8-ball" feature! (In 3-D, natch)
Pretty soon individual game tokens will get their own movies. I'm torqued for Monopoly Origins: Thimble.
I told Mike, this old dude who's always at the coffee shop I "work" at, that they were making this movie. He said, "Let me guess. It's about a bunch of asshole teenagers smoking dope, jerking off and playing with a Ouija board until some stupid ghost comes and eats them all." True story.
It's probably even not that complicated
Sometimes Louis you just slay me with your brilliance.
I think this is a brilliant idea. It will feature five female college freshmen who hate wearing anything but bras and panties. One night they get drunk enough to ask their boyfriends, girlfriends, and the one nerd who has a creepy yet innocent crush on the one with the biggest tits to "play" with their Ouija board. Then someone with a chainsaw mows them all down in a shower of blood and boobs.
The remainder of the 90 minutes will be spent showing 83 minutes of people laughing and applauding the death of cardboard characters played by actors that will never be seen again except in late night infomercials.
Now can we finally stop this stupid shit and greenlight the Topple movie everyone's been dying for?
All Signs Point To YES!
I like your verb choice concerning the selection of Mr. Kinberg to work on the script. Now, let's talk ramping up the Stratego script. Think about it: War, spys, bombs, love story. It can't miss!