Shaquille O'Neal Retires From NBA; Can We Finally Have Kazaam 2?

In a move that swiftly eclipsed another celeb Twitter milestone of the day, NBA legend Shaquille O'Neal today tweeted his retirement from pro basketball after 19 seasons, six teams, four championships and two Olympic gold medals. While his celebrated career on the court will never be forgotten, the development raises a question about the dormant, notorious side gig he may yet resume. In short: Is Shaq coming back to the big screen?

Pretty much. After a five-year film layoff following his Scary Movie 4 cameo, Shaq's set to return this November in the Adam Sandler comedy Jack and Jill. The future's wide open from there, but I just have two words to strike either the hope or fear of God in moviegoers everywhere:

Kazaam 2.

This needs to happen. People have joked about it plenty, but come on. There are not enough rapping, boom-box-exploding, flame-engulfed genies motivating kids in movies today. The worst film of 1996 set a standard of terribleness that even Shaq himself could never quite surpass no matter how hard he tried -- not with his craptastic follow-up film Steel, not with his fantastically classless Kobe Bryant-taunting rhymes a decade later -- after his final championship, with the Miami Heat -- and not with the momentous if language-contorting (and subsequently deleted) retirement announcement above. It's been too long since Shaq really owned the bad-movie landscape with "slam-dunk fun!" Indeed, a whole generation of youngsters deprived of Kazaam have never been thumped with the urge to "green egg and ham it":

Or been thumped with a hail of junk food after Shaq's infamous genie declamation:

Or socked with the killer rhyme, "If you got the itches / for a sack of riches / don't matter how avaricious / I'm the man that can grant your wishes! / HEY! Don't turn your butt on me!"

Anyway, now is the hour! Someone start a Kickstarter page or something.

And best wishes to Shaq in retirement!