Weekend Receipts: Fast Five Zooms to Record Opening

Yowza. Fast Five exceeded all projections this weekend with a stunning $83.6 million opening -- the best ever for a Universal release, and a nearly 18 percent jump over the debut haul of its 2009 predecessor Fast and Furious. Its competition, meanwhile -- including a pair of new, badly underperforming family films -- was left behind like so much roadkill. Your weekend receipts are here.

1. Fast Five

Gross: $83,630,000 (new)

Screens: 3,644 (PSA: $22,950)

Weeks: 1

I'm less concerned about the massive success of the fifth installment Universal's big, dumb, loud muscle-car bandit franchise than I am about the inevitable spate of lame puns forthcoming in every box-office report for the next two weeks. Do me a favor and slap everyone who says this "kicked summer into high gear" or "sped away with $83.6 million." In fact, slap me for my own headline. How about, "Weekend Receipts: America Swoons For Deafening, Vaguely Homoerotic Joyride Epic"? Or, "Weekend Receipts: Is It September Yet?" Anyway, congrats to Universal.

2. Rio

Gross: $14,400,000 ($103,627,000)

Screens: 3,708 (PSA: $3,833)

Weeks: 3 (change: -45.3%)

The redoubtable, adorable animated bird romcom was reduced to a grease spot on the windshield of Fast Five, but notably it crossed the $100 million mark domestically and surged past $300 million globally. A $400 million future isn't far off. In case there was any doubt even after the Ice Age movies, Blue Sky Studios is for real.

3. Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family

Gross: $10,050,000 ($41,080,000)

Screens: 2,288 (PSA: $4,392)

Weeks: 2 (change: -59.9%)

In keeping with time-tested Perry tradition, a steep second-week plunge followed an modest-to-good opening-weekend performance. I think Madea herself said it best: "Look out beluhrrrr!"

4. Water For Elephants

Gross: $9,125,000 ($32,263,000)

Screens: 2,820 (PSA: $3,236)

Weeks: 2 (change: -45.8%)

Actual bar conversation overheard this weekend: "Have you seen Water For Elephants?" "What?" "Water For Elephants." "Whatever hell with it?" "Water... For... Elephants." "Oh, Elephants. Enh, I'm not really a theater person." "It's a movie." "What is?" "Water For Elephants." "Oh. Like a nature thing?" "Well, no, I haven't seen it."

5. Prom

Gross: $5,000,000 (new)

Screens: 2,730 (PSA: $1,832)

Weeks: 1

The first film of the Rich Ross era at Disney is now officially regarded as the first flop of the Rich Ross era. You can bet that's the last time they market directly to the stingy foot-fetishist demographic.

6. Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil

Gross: $4,140,000 (new)

Screens: 2,505 (PSA: $1,653)

Weeks: 1

Ouch. And for her next number, Hayden Panettiere sings the blues.

[Numbers via Box Office Mojo]