How Will Disney Change Miss Marple's Name for Jennifer Garner's Hip, Young Reboot?
Remember Agatha Christie's iconic, elderly spinster detective Miss Marple, who solved crimes in between knitting and gardening? Well, Disney's going to make another movie about her, only this time she'll be younger and played by Jennifer Garner (who is producing as well). Also, this one's set in modern times. So uh... I guess she'll solve crimes between shopping for shoes and dining at Soho cafes? And, if they're changing all of these elements, it seems like they might as well "reboot" the name too. I mean, they can't actually name this sexy female detective for a new generation Miss Marple, can they?
The script will apparently be written by Mark Frost, who gets major credibility points for writing on Twin Peaks, and then loses some of them for penning both Fantastic Four films.
Right now, Frost is probably pouring over a blank sheet of paper, trying to figure out how to handle a memo from Disney asking him to make the main character's name sound younger without totally sacrificing the source material. I'll admit, it's a tough one! But still, here are seven suggestions to jump start Frost's brainstorming. Submit your own suggestions in the comments.
· Miss M.
· Carrie "Marple" Bradshaw
· Cleo Marplé
· Margaret Pell
· Juno Marple
· M.A.R.P.L.E. (code name given by a secret government agency.)
· DJ Marp
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Comments
Don't worry, there will only be a few changes. Miss Marple will definitely be younger.... Not as young as Hathaway or Franco, we learned that lesson. But still young and hip. With hips.
She'll still fight crime with her intuition, but this time something snappier, like precognition through meditation.... that's hot with the kids nowadays.
Also, assassin. Ninja assassin. Assassin turned good guy. Wahlberg did it, DiCaprio did it in those Bourne movies (didn't he win an Oscar for the second one?), why not Jennifer Garner? Early testing shows that the 18-45 yo demographic saw Juno.
Love interest? Ben Affleck works for me if it works for you. We liked The Town. We're thinking of going with a super subtle yet ultimately powerful metaphor by making him a blind judge. Maybe a lawyer, maybe a paralegal. What are paralegals? We'll figure it out in development. (the metaphor is that justice is blind)
And yes, of course we'll have to change the name. Marple? F me. Call me if you come up with anything. Must be downright electrifying. After all, we're trying to put asses in seats, aren't we? Rebooting a popular movie only gets you so much... you really have to meet the audience halfway these days.
I vote for M.A.R.P.L.E.
1. Marple (a'la Columbo...and Lindsay!)
2. Marple...Suga' (It's a pun! Puns are fun! But it only really works if they cast Pam Grier as the aging sleuth.)
3. Marple 2.0 (Ten years ago, this would've not only been the character's name, but also the title of the film and the two-word pitch.)
4. V.O.: "From the dudes that brought you Mrs. Doubtfire...Robin Williams IS Miss (SFX: insert FART SOUND here) Marple."
(CUT TO: Extreme close-up of Robin Williams dressed hilariously in hilarious old lady facial prosthetics. He sniffs the air, then hilariously declares...)
Williams (in a STRONG British accent, one that blends the 'Well, I never--!' over-acting of Dame Maggie Smith with the subtle cockney cadence of Dick Van Dyke): "Well, don't look at me! The butler did it!"
On second thought, you know what? Kill all those. Marketing departments are smart and know that everyone else is dumb, so they'll probably rally 'round some simplistic tweak like 'Ms. Marple.'
Mentioning Lindsay and Columbo just made me think that they should do a lady Columbo movie, but w/ Lindsay Lohan playing the title character, and her coke addled-ness will stand in for the original's affected addled-ness, then she can pull it together at the end and reveal it was all an act to catch the perpetrators unawares! Peter Falk could do a paycheck cameo at the end, as the umpire at Lady Columbo's softball game, shaking his head at the camera and talking about how he doesn't get young people these days. Smash cut to profit!
Ms Garner used to work for the mouse when she was on "Alias," (ABC is owned by Disney) so am not surprised she was cast in "The Odd Life of Ti othy Green" and now the reboot of Miss Marple. They are very high on her.
The proper word is Not "pouring"; it's p o r i n g!