Dionne Watch: Movieline Salutes Ms. Warwick's Journey on Celebrity Apprentice

It's unnerving that Dionne Warwick, perhaps the most impressive and compelling female vocalist in pop history, is a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice. Worse, it might be a classy step up for the woman associated with Psychic Friends and not-so-psyched feds. We at Movieline hope Celebrity Apprentice is Ms. Warwick's springboard back to prominence, and we plan to rally here every Tuesday until Trump fires her in a pointy blaze. Join me and Stu VanAirsdale for some loving Dionne recon and our pick for "Warwick Song of the Week."

Louis: Dionne was stealthy in last night's premiere, which was the right move, I felt.

Stu: "Stealthy" is one word for it. "Doddering," "throaty" come to mind. And sure, sandbagging a little bit.

Louis: Uh, compared to Tila Tequila's great-grandmother Latoya Jackson? And synonyms Lisa Rinna and Mark McGrath? She was the most alive person there.

Stu: Really, my entire night was made when Star Jones put her in charge of the money. Dionne's career-long strong suit -- hence her appearance on CA at age 70. "Yes, Dionne, you handle accounts receivable."

Louis: "No, Dionne, you can't evade this task."

Stu: Trump's like, "You made $140,000, ladies! Dionne, cough it up."

Louis: And Dionne threw down the keys to an Encino bungalow. You know the others are going to trap her into getting fired sooner or later. Rinna's impatience will be her death knell.

Stu: See, you have an analytical advantage over me because of your viewership history. I really can only gauge my hero on a week-to-week basis. "Credit card transaction? Check. Barks at Star Jones? Check."

Louis: No, no, your novice status will help you here. You can better judge how her airy melodic sense will help her topple a hoarse growler like John Rich.

Stu: Whew, that's a relief. Honestly I am praying for a Lil Jon/Dionne final followed by a collaboration album and joint world tour. The Windizzows of the World, by Lil DiJon

Louis: Let's imagine Dionne trilling a light-and-poppy "To the window! To the wall! Sweat drip down my balls! All these bitches crawl! Ah-skee-skee-Hal David."

Stu: I think that has at least as much commercial viability as half the "Heartbreaker" record.

Louis: And hell, Mark McGrath is basically Barry Gibb, at this point.

Stu: And David Cassidy is Albhy Galuten.

Louis: Man, everyone on Celebrity Apprentice is like a wax rendering of an old Dionne Warwick acquaintance. Niki Taylor as wax Jackie DeShannon.

Stu: Gary Busey is probably the third husband from The Godfather who allegedly murdered those guys.

Louis: He's also Burt Bachawax, but right. OK, predictions for next week? What will Star force Dionne to do next?

Stu: Judging by the pretty princess ballcap from last night's preview, maybe play first base on the CA softball team? Or batgirl, I can't decide. She's going to learn all the sign-language curse words by the time she's done, I know that much.

Louis:

As will we. Yikes. Saying a little prayer, indeed.

DIONNE SONG OF THE WEEK: "I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself"

(Did you see her operate that cash register? OK, then.)