Charlie Sheen Recites His Own Poetry and 10 Other Highlights From His First Web Show, Sheen's Korner
If you missed the first (and possibly only) episode of Charlie Sheen's Internet talk show, Sheen's Korner, don't worry! In our quest to chronicle each and every controversial move that the Two and a Half Men star makes, Movieline tuned in and carefully documented everything that happened in the winning-est sixty minutes of web broadcast ever. There was chain-smoking! There were official sponsors! There was poetry about dead babies! And there was a segment called "Just Because They're Bitchin'." Trust me... you're going to want to review the highlights.
Flanked by his long-time assistant Rick Calamaro, one of his muses and his "musical director" Simon Rex, Sheen opened his show by thanking his sponsors -- SelfDiscipline.com and Tiger's Blood -- before launching his maiden web show voyage. Highlights follow.
1. Charlie does a news segment in which he only highlights news about winners -- including this story about a victorious bald eagle with an unfortunate name.
"This is a story that I kind of questioned, although there is an absolute 'win' involved in this story but tell me, am I reading this wrong? 'A bald eagle crashed into a windshield and has recovered. Weagle the Eagle is now flying again.' But probably not rolling with his posse because they renamed him 'Weagle.' Still a win. Still winning. But let's take some online name submissions because 'Weagle the Eagle' -- regardless of all of the street cred that he has now -- I just don't think that name supports his winning ways.
2. Charlie takes (and autographs) a Polaroid picture of himself for an 80-year-old fan of his on Twitter.
"Josie Dimples is an 80-year-old woman who tweeted me and said that she is now 'winning.' She is winning inside of every bone. So, Josie Dimples, we salute you. And clearly, Josie Dimples, you are a winner. [...] We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I'm going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it's worth a fortune. [...] I'll make this a work of magic warlock art."
3. Charlie interrupts his show to take a call from "the president." Only technological problems ensue.
"OK, so that call from the president didn't happen but I have absolute faith that it will." [Editor's Note: It never does.]
4. Charlie asks his audience to submit their favorite Sheenisms via Twitter.
"The past couple weeks has been me cresting on a mercury surfboard on a tsunami, headed toward them. And so, during this odyssey, there has been a lot of wordsmithing that has fallen gracefully from this beautiful hole. [Points to mouth]. So, it's caught on like an absolute global wildfire. I mean, how couldn't it? Duh! So, we're asking you now, what are some of your favorite lines that this warlock brain produced?"
5. When Sheen's Twitter followers do not remember his sayings word-for-word, he harasses them on-air.
"What is that word? This is not even a line I said. Pay closer attention, losers. As I like to say, 'Get a job!'"
6. Charlie debuts his new tattoo which of course, says "WINNING."
7. Charlie responds to a question about the new iPad.
"I mean, I don't really have an opinion on that. I don't, like, research this. Apple is winning. Certainly. It is the greatest company ever."
8. Charlie reveals the only people he would trade places with... "for 10 minutes."
"This is a softer segment now, called 'Kinda Wish I Was Them... For 10 Minutes' -- which is a long time for a mad warlock genius like myself. Colin Farrell. [...] Because he's just as groovy as they get because yeah, I want to be you for 10 minutes. [...] Brian 'Fear the Beard' Wilson. Don't even speak. [...] He's just better than you. I don't care who you are. [...] Sean Penn. And I guess I only want to be you for the 10 minutes when fists were just making contact with those loser faces. Boom. Crush. Night, losers. Winning. Duh."
9. After sweating profusely throughout the first 30 minutes of Sheen's Korner, Sheen yells at his production team.
"Can we spend a little money on air conditioning here?! Or are we like 'lower budget?' Open a window! Or do we not want the sound in this secret chamber to escape out into the normalcy of Humanville?"
10. Charlie mocks NBC News correspondent Jeff Rossen, who interviewed Sheen last week.
"What I thought would be funny is if I took this gentleman, this media personality and I sort of turned the tables on him. I'll lean in really close, with the good lighting on me and the bad lighting on him and say, 'You know, Jeff, what was the foam on that first beer like?' In the promo, I'd cut to him just blinking and looking down... because he is shamed by his actions. 'So Jeff, tell me about that first Advil. Was it the Advil that led to the Aleve? When did you know that you hit rock bottom? When you went to the all-night CVS to score at 4 in the morning?' He couldn't Aleve it alone."
11. Charlie closes Sheen's Korner with his own poem, 'The Big White Phone,' which he tried to sell years ago, "before people realized how bitchin' I am. It sold six copies."
'In the twisted times of a rotten game,
Where flood waters raised coffins from pain.
Where the worms of freedom have all gone insane,
I plucked them or sucked them from the heart of my brain.
When the edge of confusion appears in disarray,
It's an act of delusion dead babies would say.
When the clock's final ticking exposes your day,
It's your balls that will be clipping from the dock of the bay.
When leaders ring true in the eye of the mass,
Their blood turns cold blue while the dogs eat the grass.
Their painful decay sends a snake up your ass,
The act of delay they promise will pass.
Until we find from true release the volume of our moans,
They pack our bags with sullen peace while their children sleep alone.
When these acts of truth arrive in time,
Please read them high in tone.
I'll be heaving bile in a vicious style,
As I talk to the big white phone."
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Comments
I couldn't even get past all the highlights, that's how much I want him, his show and the coverage of him to just go away.
But I do love it when anyone gets a shot at that preening ass Jeff Rossen. He's a vapid local TV hack who got noticed because Michael Moore filmed him filing a news report about a child's shooting for Bowling for Columbine. Rossen seemed more concerned about hair spray than the story. Apparently NBC News feels the same way.
I also think it's safe to refer to him as "former Two and a Half Men star"
In 1992 I was one of the drivers transporting the baseball players
to Charlie's house party in Malibu.
Charlie has always been a fun guy and I wish him the best.
When a 5150 is called on him will that still considered to be "winning"?
Hi Charlie, i luv u. your talent in the show 2 1/2 men was genius. even being treated for chronic depression, your show was the one thing that made me laugh outloud. u did a lot of good for me personally. i am a 77 yr old woman. i even watch the reruns which i dont ever do with any other show.
Charlie should now make a graceful exit from all public appearances. His webcast was unintentional self-parody and this brave Vatican Warlock Assassin should now enjoy the peace and comfort of life with the Goddesses before he alienates even those who appreciate his attempt to punctuate the dreariness and challenge orthodoxy.
Too bad you left out the fact that minutes after the show started the viewership peaked at just over 116, 000 but dropped like a rock to below 86,000 by the time he signed off.....In fact watching the viewers abandon this boondoggle was probably the most entertaining part of the show. Get help Charlie, this sick act is just about over and you're definitely LOSING!
Charlie Sheen is just being himself and anyone that doesn't like it is just a troll, He's been making millions laugh for years and just because he decides to get real with the public, people start labeling him as the bi-polar crazy guy. People have watched him for years laughing at his character in movies and Two & 1/2 men, they will continue to watch and laugh and he will continue to win and make movies, TV and Comercials for money like always except it will be for real not just the way some company like CBS says it has to be like their way or the highway. Charlie Sheen is and always will be cool in my eyes, Go Charlie Go your WINNING!
I want to be a big reality show star.
I don't understand what the big surprise is, Charlie Sheen has been living a libertine lifestyle for over 25 years, and his persona in two and a half men is that of a hedonistic single male not too unlike his own personal characteristics off camera. So millions of fans of two and a half men enjoy watching the impulsive, capricious, and alcoholic Charlie Harper on two and a half men,they have no problem with that acting persona, but suddenly they are disturbed with the exact same characteristics are found in Charlie Sheen's own personal life, which everyone knows has existed for the last three decades. I keep hearing that Charlie Sheen is a role model and as a role model he must live up to some idealistic expectations, yet I for one don't understand how a character role like that of Charlie Harper is really a role model, and a role model for who?
Incredibly, William, the millions of people who enjoyed Javier Bardem's chilling performance as a serial killer in "No Country For Old Men" would probably still object if he started bumping people off in real life. Hard to believe, but there it is.
And if you're really about the "he does it on the show, why can't he do it in real life?" line, man, forget about Charlie Sheen. It's Tom Welling's corner you want to be in.
Charlie Sheen IS Biff Tannen. I think it's time for a truck full of manure to back up and shut this insanity down.
Charlie Sheen...Co-Co....James Gardner...Larry Hagman...and others have fought the clean fight against a very DIRTY business at their own cost and suffering, but were successful in their own right. Good luck to Charlie's long fight ahead, but he has many that have been there or in the future behind him. Record company's greed too led to their down fall, LQQK out film and studios, "TAKE.NEXT!"
All those sponsors are going to be really pissed at themselves for jumping on this runaway train when cops find Charlie, Bree and the other girl all lying dead in a mixed puddle of their blood, and a gun in Bree's hand.
Bree Olson is well know to be unstable even for a porn star. And that is saying a lot. She has had several on camera breakdowns both on the set and in interviews, the most famous being on Bubba the Love Sponge. And clearly she already had some (jealous?) thoughts that made her leave once before realizing that staying was the only way to avoid going back to porn.
This little threesome arrangement will not end well.
I f**kin love Charlie Sheen.
I watched his show for 10 minutes and thought it was just pathetic. He's milking this thing for what it's worth and there's nothing left. He's overexposed and the whole "winning" and the "tiger blood" are getting old and overused. This show was bush league and had all the air and sophistication of a group of high schoolers goofing off in front of a web cam. He's just trying too hard.
This is what i was looking for.
I always thought of Sheen as the cheesy guy from that family show I never watch, who got famous due to his eybrow movement in Hot Shots, but what is this...
I'm loving every glorious moment of this self-dismantlement. This is so real, so gritty and true in form. You sir really are a rockstar from Mars.
Don't give up Charlie, once you give way just an inch or show weakness they will cage your mind into a neat little box so they they can again deal with their own pathetic existence and their induced self-image. THEY being the trolls of course!
http://www.devilscandy.com
Charlie sheen is NOT bi-polar. charlie Sheen is a crackhead whose is in desparte need of help to rid his life of crack coacine.
crack cocaine is THE DEVILS CANDY!!!!
Charlie Sheen is NOT bi-polar. Charlie has fallin into the hands of the crack demon. Charlie is an active crackhead who is in desperate need of help. http://www.devilscandy.com visit this website charlie, I think it will help you. crack cocaine is THE DEVILS CANDY!!!!! And it has charlie in its grips. Charlie is in crack physios right now. BADLY!!!! But you can beat crack charlie, you can beat crack with your tiger's blood and knowing that crack cocaine IS the devils candy.
Duh -- Whiner! Sheen whines about getting nothing. What about the 60 million dollars he pocketed for the 8 seasons he was on the show? He wants us to feel sorry for him because the Suits showed him no gratitude when watching his rehearsals. 60 million dollars is a lot of gratitude. Shame on him for acting so unprofessional and taking his pathetic pleas to the public! The gratitude is in your paycheck, you insane moron! You deserve to be fired. The 75 –year-old-looking Sheen acts like he just discovered there's something called a computer and the internet. Guess he's been hiding in a drug-infested cave. He needs a script writer to give him funny lines and turn his tin webcast into gold. Duh -- LOSER!
Duh -- Whiner! Sheen whines about getting nothing. What about the 60 million dollars he pocketed for the 8 seasons he was on the show? He wants us to feel sorry for him because the Suits showed him no gratitude when watching his rehearsals. 60 million dollars is a lot of gratitude. Shame on him for acting so unprofessional and taking his pathetic pleas to the public! The gratitude is in your paycheck, you insane moron! You deserve to be fired. The 75 –year-old-looking Sheen acts like he just discovered there's something called a computer and the internet. Guess he's been hiding in a drug-infested cave. He needs a script writer to give him funny lines and turn his tin webcast into gold. Duh -- LOSER!
I feel that he should have worked professionally. This has tarnished his image.
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