Bad Movies We Love: Mahogany
"Do you know where you're going to?" asks the theme to Diana Ross's 1975 movie Mahogany. Well, do you? Turns out it doesn't matter, because Mahogany doesn't know either. Is it a fashion movie? A love story? A political thinkpiece? A treatise on how photographers are gay predators who suckle your breasts and try to kill you? The answer: All of the above! And yet, so much less. After seeing Ms. Ross on Oprah this week, we've had a craving for her old films, and Movieline has chosen to reexamine the nuttiest one of all. The one where she fornicates with Norman Bates.
Diana Ross plays Tracy Chambers, a simple gal who works in a Chicago garment factory and dreams of becoming a celebrated fashion designer. Spoiler: She becomes one, but not before meeting boring and/or rape-y characters. Let's get "boring" out of the way: Here's her turtleneck-afflicted boyfriend Brian (Billy Dee Williams without his Lando regalia), an unsuccessful politician running for alderman in the Windy City.
Christ lord of the Death Star, he is dull. He wastes our time talking about timely racial issues and convincing Diana to stay in Chicago to be a part of his grassroots movement. Excuse me, Billy Dee: Tracy has prismatic cheekbones and doll eyes. She has no time for your "importance." Upside-down you're not turning her. Get out of my movie.
Onto "rape-y": a photographer named Sean stops by Tracy's factory and snaps hundreds of pictures of her, because she's beautiful, enigmatic, and obviously Diana Ross. This guy is the type who tells his subjects, "Show us your tits" and "Still too horny, honey; be more virginal." He is a male chauvinist pig. He is this man.
Yes. Oh, yes. It's Anthony Perkins, the most misogynistic, heterosexual bastard you know. A real lady-thumper -- if your idea of a lady is the coquettish Tab Hunter. Movie! I love you!
At first we think Tony Perkins is enjoying a breakthrough role as a confident, urbane type with snarky underpinnings. Hell, he anoints Tracy with the nickname "Mahogany" because she has dark skin, and he loves renaming his models -- or as he helpfully calls them, "objects." I'm serious. But before we can deem Mahogany a turning point for Mr. Perkins, we come to find he's playing yet another sexually frustrated psychopath, a slightly cosmopolitan update of Norman Bates who might own a ritzy chain of "L'Hotel des Bates" across Europe. It's a shame that Tony Perkins was so typecast in his lifetime, but it's a pleasure for all viewers of Mahogany. Look at how uncomfortable he acts after he wins Tracy's affection, woos her into modeling, and tries to have sex with her -- unsuccessfully. If you know what I mean. And I mean erectionlessness.
"It doesn't matter, Sean. Do you hear me? It doesn't matter," Tracy/Mahogany assures him. Yes, that's correct: Anthony Perkins has no wood for Mahogany. Let me get this straight, director Berry Gordy: You're casting Anthony Perkins as a secretly gay villain who pretends to adore women. You're doing this? In 1975? Years before the world will write blogs about things like "meta pop-culture moments"? I'm speechless. I'm titillated. I'm speechless again. And somehow, I will go on.
Let's not forget that Diana Effing Ross is the star of this smutty vaudeville. Start this clip at 2:00 to watch her shimmy and cavort through the gayest "fashion" montage ever. Our photographer allows Tracy to wear her own designs in her photos, and this is how she becomes a fashion mogul at age whatever. Montages, I find, are a great way to illustrate that your movie is sick of talking. The feeling is mutual, Mahogany. We'll use this time to marvel at the makeup! Blush at the catsuits! Listen to the theme song, which has already played 45 times this movie! Wonder how Tony Perkins can hold up that camera with the atrophied stalks he calls arms! Be on the lookout for his darling pancake ass, too.
Two awesome scenes remain in Mahogany, and my favorite is the confrontation during a party between Billy Dee and Anthony Perkins. Diana's chosen to fall in love with Billy Dee at this point, but rape-eyed Tony has other plans -- specifically, to shoot Billy in the face. Unfortunately, Lando Calrissian has a BMI of more than -28, and thus he overtakes Tony and forces the gun in his mouth. The spectacle contains what you might call homoerotic implications.
I haven't seen this much phallic imagery since the first season of Bravo's Work of Art. Don't worry -- turns out there's no bullet in the gun, and we're spared a head-wound that belongs on a suicidal Titanic captain. This delights Tony greatly.
If that round of bizarre penis antics didn't thrill you, perhaps you'll relish when Tony traps Diana in a car, drives it at 100+ MPH down an empty Italian highway system, and forces her to pose for photos before flying off the road and killing himself. Tah-dah. It's Speed 3: 'Supreme' Command! Start at 0:50 to watch Norman Bates use his taxidermy skills to stuff a stolen car with gay panic.
Did you find
a favorite frame in there? Here's mine.
And so it ends for Tony. Diana lives and gets back with boring, political, gun-penised Billy Dee, and we're thrilled (bored) for her. If you're a little nonplussed with how the film wavers between Diana's love life, career(s), passions, and problems, you've thought about Mahogany too much. For when it comes to appreciating a senseless romance mired in melodrama, turtlenecks, and demonized homosexuality, you can hurry love.
(Or, kidding aside, if you hate Mahogany, you can recycle your angst from this Sunday's Oscars and direct it again at telecast writer Bruce Vilanch. Why? Because he made his film debut in -- you guessed it -- Mahogany. There he is, sewing away at Melissa Leo's shimmersparkles.)
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Comments
Great post. Really funny and dead on.
I don't care what anyone says...Mahogany was and is the s%%^$t. I remember living in Oakland, Ca at the time when Mahogany came out. I left school early McClymonds High, to go to the Lux theater downtown to see Mahogany. I still can see the marquee and Mahogany is big letters. In 1975 a sister headlining a major motion picture was still a big thing. The theater was packed and we were loving seeing Diana Ross at this time...(she had not become Ms.Ross, yet) Every brother and sister in the Lux was in awe!! Again Ms. Ross, was ahead of her time. A fashion picture in 1975!!! Mahogany, took us into a world we had no concept of. Now in 2010 fashion is common. Almost every celebrity has a fashion line, perfume you name it. No matter what anyone has said or will say, Ms. Ross, and Mahogany started it all, even way back then.
Omg! I was watching this movie & fell asleep & wanted to know what happened in the end, this is the funniest sh*t that I've ever read in my life! Rapey!!!!??? Gay predators who suckle your breast!!!!??? PRICELESS!!!! In tears, too damn funny!
Stop forcing your own pathetic opinions on the rest of the world as fact. Just for the record, she works in a high end department store in downtown Chi Town as a personal assistant to either the owner or manager. He comes to her store to try and recruit local models for a fashion lay out he's doing in the city and that is how he finds her. Her aunt works in the garment factory as a sewing machine operator and she is the one who makes the designs Tracy comes up with. After realizing Anthony Perkins was the same guy who played Norman Bates I felt rather sad for the actor to see how obviously type cast he was after Psycho. It's easy for some no name schmuck with no credential and lots of opinion to sit back in his computer chair and trash someone. At least he MADE movies, what have you done? It happens, it isn't usually within that artist's control and he probably took on the role of Sean because he needed and wanted work. Mahogany is a very good movie. Billy Dean Williams' character may be dull to you but it's the idea that sometimes the dream isn't going to be what you always thought it would. It just sounded to me, reading this, that you are another idiot who just feels your personal opinions and lack of intellect somehow = wisdom. You could have saved a page on the internet by not even writing this and wait, what the fuck was the point of you even writing this?
Don't be mad, Chris. I think he is trying to say that Anthony's the best part of the movie. Anyway, "Mahogany" makes a lot more sense if one takes it as a reworking of "Laura". Sexy career woman, effete mentor, plodding true love. I didn't like the fashions, but I remember the 1970's as a weird time for fashions overall. The problem for me, since you gave the ending away was Tony died at least 20 minutes before the movie ended. I prefer movies where Tony makes it almost to the end. Still, the music is good. No one can fault Diana as a singer, and with a good script she's a convincing actress, too.
LOOOOOL... OMG.... Thank you for this commentary. On behalf of ppl everywhere, who are OPPRESSED by s#!&% films masquerading as classics - well done. You forgot to mention my 2 favorite parts though:
1) The token "Im a poor black person from (insert random inner city ghetto here) who finally made it big in the evil white world, and will now only have lowly white peasant laborers who I can abuse when they are unable to 'double stitch', because we were slaves once upon a time, centuries before I was born so its only fair" scene.
And 2) When Mahogany/ebony/nubian queen ect. shares a laugh with the poster boy of black, jerry curl masculinity, Billy Dee Williams, over how silly spaghetti slurping Italians 'charge $ to see' 2,000+ year old ruins (aka the historical treasure's of Rome, which were the birth place of Western Civilization) when back in good old Chicago, they are simply referred to as 'slums' & torn down to make way for shopping malls. What a sophisticated, intelligent statement that was.... Trash.
This movie SUCKED big time! I mean really Billy Dees character was a complete a$$.
He was horrible to Tracy, and apparently didn't care about her or her ambitions. He wasn't even there for her after the accident, which could've bn avoided if he would've had told her Hey the weird photographer just tried to kill me, lets get outta here he is dangerous a d may try and hurt you. Also who the hell goes to ROME, and complains about it!
Perkins character was interesting. Poor Diana's character was made out to be a twit who couldn't tie her shoes without a man.
I couldn't even finish watching this crap, I came here for the synopsis so glad I didn't waste my time watching all of it.
I'd love to see an updated remake of this where we get to see Tracy's character grow, Anthony Perkins and Billy Dees characters could stay the same, and gave Tracy drop both losers.
Sorry for all the typos
I remember watching this as a kid, and not understanding why the gun scene was so disturbing. How about the dripping candle wax over the face and body? Please give your take on that this post is hilarious.:D
Better than a lot of crap with the non-actors of today on the big screen and television.
This movie has been and will probably always be my all time favorite. I have it on DVD and watch it every time it comes on television. To say I love it would be an understatement.
All of you f*** go to bed so what you wasn't impressed some people were... take Anthony Hopkins and shove him up your ass... like you do everything else
Anthony PERKINS, not HOPKINS. You're getting your actors confused (like you seem to be with everything else).
Well the one thing we all have to remember that it was over 30 years ago and most black people were relegated to "other" roles. So as a up and coming and learning how to make cinema in hollywood, I think it was great. If you go back and look at many movies from the 60s, 70s or even 80s you'll see how far we have come as storytellers and filmmakers(everyone, black and white). Looking back and considering the times, it's not a bad effort for a film to showcase a African American FEMALE star when roles like that weren't being offered to women of color. Not to make this about black and white, but in reality, filmmaking opportunities were rare and even for superstars and Diana was as big as you could get at the time and the film resonated with black people and her fan base at the time. Kudos for mr Gordy to make the industry and the world realize that there's an audience for films starring women and people of color. I hate to bring up the racial aspect, but it's hard to do that. Especially in entertainment.But to be fair, you could go back and look at many films done in the 70's and think...REALLY.... but, I think that's just a credit to where the industry has evolved into what it is now. I loved the movie as a kid, because it was different and unique to see Black people in charge and literally the focus of the movie. Now as an adult, I see it wasn't the best written or acted or directed, but it sure was timely and I still love it for what it was and is.