Robert Pattinson Watches Two and a Half Men, Has Coincidentally Lost Brain Functionality

If there's one thing we've all learned from Sheenpocalypse, it's that nothing good has ever come from watching Two and a Half Men. And who do we have to blame for keeping ratings high enough that Charlie Sheen became the highest paid actor on television before his descent into madness? Robert Pattinson, that's who.

In his forthcoming Vanity Fair cover story, for which he posed with an alligator around his shoulders (a metaphor for how America's propped the scaly Sheen up on the shoulders of fame, I'm sure), Pattinson admits to filling his downtime by watching the same sitcom reruns in his trailer, "I just watch reruns of House of Payne and Two and a Half Men. I love Cops - I think it's my favorite TV show. God... I sound like such a loser."

Elsewhere in the interview, which hits newsstands March 3, the Twilight idol big ups co-star/gal pal Kristen Stewart's acting skills, reveals that he cried the day filming wrapped for his pachyderm co-star on Water for Elephants ("She was the best actor I ever worked with in my life"), and says fame, and signing autographs, has taken a toll on his mental faculties: "My brain doesn't work anymore. I haven't any memory. I can't write. All I can do is sign my name."

Might we suggest an alternate explanation to RPattz? You only watch reruns of House of Payne and Two and a Half Men. Let this be a lesson to us all.

• Robert Pattinson Talks About K-Stew, Shakespeare & 'Two and a Half Men' [Vanity Fair via Gossip Cop]