'Did They Expect It To Be Like a Normal Interview?': The Charlie Sheen Media Tour Rolls Toward Oblivion

By the time you read this, there's a good chance Charlie Sheen will have done another four interviews with TMZ, sat down with Telemundo for a 45 minute exclusive ("exclusive"), and written a column for The Breeze, the student newspaper at Rancho Cucamonga's Chaffey College. Which is to say: The dude can't stop talking. Hot on the heels of his interview with Piers Morgan on Monday night, Sheen was back on the Today show Tuesday morning with his new homeboy Jeff Rossen. How'd it go?

Creepily. Rossen -- who interviewed Sheen over the weekend, and got him to say things like "warlock" and "tiger's blood" -- kept feeding the embattled Two and a Half Men star rope, and Sheen kept taking it, happily.

When asked why the two women he's with now (whom Sheen calls "the goddesses," natch) are an improvement from his past loves, Charlie replied, "These women don't judge me. They don't judge me. They don't lead with opinion. They don't lead with their own needs all the time. They're honest enough to tell me, 'Hey, look, you -- you know, park your nonsense. You gotta help me solve this.' And we solve it." Sounds great... if your goal in life is to become the Hollywood version of Warren Jeffs.

Rossen also asked Sheen if these women are allowed "to talk back" to him. "Yes," said Sheen. "Those are the best jokes of the day."

[Long exhale]. Watch the full Today interview below.

Elsewhere in Sheenwood, Chuck Lorre has finally responded to his antagonist. Sorta. Lorre wrote the following in his vanity card at the end of Mike and Molly on Monday.

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #334

I understand that I'm under a lot of pressure to respond to certain statements made about me recently. The following are my uncensored thoughts. I hope this will put an end to any further speculation.

I believe that consciousness creates the illusion of individuation, the false feeling of being separate. In other words, I am aware, ergo I am alone. I further believe that this existential misunderstanding is the prime motivating force for the neurotic compulsion to blot out consciousness. This explains the paradox of our culture, which celebrates the ego while simultaneously promoting its evisceration with drugs and alcohol. It also clarifies our deep-seated fear of monolithic, one-minded systems like communism, religious fundamentalism, zombies and invaders from Mars. Each one is a dark echo of an oceanic state of unifying transcendence from which consciousness must, by nature, flee. The Fall from Grace is, in fact, a Sprint from Grace. Or perhaps more accurately, "Screw Grace, I am so outta here!"

Questions?

Plenty.

· Sheen on Live-In 'Goddesses': 'They Don't Judge Me' [Today]

· Chuck Lorre Breaks Silence with Vanity Card: 'I Am So Outta Here!' [Deadline]