Alonso's Oscar Picks: The Kids Are All Right, The Oscars Are Not

When I was a little kid, I really, really, really loved the Oscars. For a wee gay movie-obsessed lad growing up in the suburbs of Atlanta, it was the sort of annual event to be anticipated with both excitement and reverence. Every year when we'd get the TV Guide issue with the full-page "Close-Up" box on the Oscars, featuring thumbnail pictures of the ten Best Actor and Actress nominees, my heart would race. Before I was old enough that my parents would let me stay up late and watch the whole thing (this was back when the show began at 9 p.m. on the East Coast), I somehow convinced them to nudge me awake at midnight, tell me who won in the major categories, and then I'd roll over and go back to sleep.

The excitement continued in college -- the campus paper sponsored an annual "Beat Alonso" contest, which is when I learned I'm a terrible Oscar prognosticator, so take the following picks with an entire mine-full of salt -- but began to wane as I started seeing most of each year's releases and realized that the movies that got nominated (as well as the ones that didn't) meant the Oscars weren't such an infallible judge of quality after all. And watching old Oscar-winners (and snubees) on VHS and on cable confirmed something that it took me years to learn about the Academy Awards: This is bullshit!

When Crash beat out Brokeback Mountain, that was the last straw. The Oscars, like Comic-Con, have become a thing I used to enjoy that is now strictly work. So don't be too shocked when the Academy picks the safe (The King's Speech) over the mildly daring (The Social Network). And take a moment to feel for the nine-year-old Oscar-obsessive out there who will one day get to see R-rated movies and will realize this whole thing is a farce.

Best Picture: The King's Speech

Best Director: David Fincher, The Social Network

Best Actor: Colin Firth, The King's Speech

Best Actress: Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right

Best Supporting Actor: Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech

Best Supporting Actress: Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit

Best Original Screenplay: David Seidler, The King's Speech

Best Adapted Screenplay: Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network

Best Editing: Angus Wall and Kirk Baxter, The Social Network

Best Cinematography: Wally Pfister, Inception

Best Foreign Film: In a Better World

Best Documentary: Inside Job