Dear Firefly Fans: Haven't You a Better Cause to Donate Your Money To?

Dear Firefly fans: I read this morning that you plan to pool your money in a massive campaign to collectively buy the rights to your short-lived favorite TV series. The drive follows comments by its star, Nathan Fillion, who recently told EW, "If I got $300 million from the California Lottery, the first thing I would do is buy the rights to Firefly, make it on my own, and distribute it on the Internet." On the one hand, the cost of the actual rights would cost a mere fraction of that amount. On the other hand -- and I hate to break this to you -- there are far worthier uses of your money than reviving a canceled TV show.

Look, nothing against Firefly or Fillion or creator Joss Whedon; the show was good, and those are two stand-up dudes whom I like a lot. Nothing against you either! I know what it's like to have a cultural touchstone pulled out from under me -- it doesn't feel great, and that open wound doesn't heal for some time. News of imminent Firefly reruns on The Science Channel does little if anything to assuage that anguish.

That said, you've got to be kidding me with this "Help Nathan Buy Firefly" Web site and Facebook page, the latter of which boasts 68,000 fans (and counting) and actually includes such comments as:

"Consider this: this page has over 66000 likes at this time. If they created one new episode a week and sold them for a $1 on iTunes that could be $66,000 a week. Would that be enough?"

and:

$1000 from russian fan

and:

"We need to do more then just talk. Hitting that like button does not make allot [sic] of noise. Our numbers are strong and on the rise so we need to strike while we have the momentum, we need someone to step up and organize something a fund raiser for a news ad, or maybe a donation to Nathan's charity. Something to prove we are more then just a bunch of people that can click a button."

Hey! Charity! There you go. After all, you may have heard about the enduring horror of the Haiti earthquake aftermath, where food, clean water and medical aid have been in short supply for more than a year since the temblor struck. The residents of Christchurch, New Zealand, could use help as well after their own recent quake. Lord only knows what kind of help the residents of Tripoli -- particularly widows and children -- will need if/when the violent uprising there succeeds in toppling Qaddafi. If you feel like making a political statement, there's always either side of the ongoing strife in Madison, Wisc., which is spreading now to other state capitals in Iowa, Indiana and elsewhere. And this is just a rundown of current events off the top of my head; surely others near you could use your largess as well.

Just as surely you must remember that time you even pooled together $14,000 to buy Firefly DVD sets for Navy crews at sea. That works, too! What doesn't work is contributing a cent of your own money to get a canceled, decade-old sci-fi venture back on the air. Let's be honest: That's money you don't have. None of us do. It's a recession! Things are terrible. Furthermore, it's not your responsibility! This effort is what producers do, and Whedon hasn't done it because at some point he -- and don't take this the wrong way -- moved the hell on.

Sure, Fillion raised the issue with his comments to EW, but that's what actors do: Make splashes, push buttons, daydream and, well, act! Trust me: If Nathan Fillion won the California Lottery, his prize would neither be $300 million nor invested in reviving Firefly for the Internet. If he developed anything with that cash, it would be something new that more people want to watch. You know this, and I know you know this.

Anyway, everyone sincerely appreciates your spirit; most stars and their showrunners would give anything to have a fan base like yours, and part of that appreciation stems from knowing you'll do right by them and others in the end, no matter what. But for the record, this is the end. Please either put your checkbook back in your browncoat, or consider contributing where 68,000 people's interest and resources are needed. Cool? Thanks.