Fear and Loathing at the American International Toy Fair
The last presentation was Transformers. The highlight came when the speaker accidentally referred to this summer's new movie as Transformers: Dark SIDE of the Moon -- a film that Hasbro apparently hopes we'll all watch through the nerdiest 3-D glasses of all time:
Both the G.I. Joe and Transformers presentations concluded with Q&A sessions featuring the creators of two new cartoons airing on some network called HUB. (Sadly, the Transformers cartoon is called Transformers: Prime and not Transformers: A Momentary Lapse of Reason.) "Ah, OK, new cartoons," I thought. "That's cool. I like cartoons! And they're taking questions. Perhaps I will ask them about..." Alas: I wouldn't be asking them a damn thing because they chose to answer only pre-selected questions submitted from fans on the Internet. Smart call; it's never a good idea to involve us liberal media elites when one can avoid it.
We soon filed into the showroom, which was... Well, kind of a zoo. As one might expect, there was pushing. And shoving. Emanating from somewhere came the smell of linty bacon. Trying to avoid the mêlée (i.e. the Star Wars section), I sought refuge near the Captain America department. Within seconds, an attendant offered a Captain America Disc-Launching Shield demonstration.
"No thanks," I replied. "I'm just... here."
"But it shoots miniature discs!" the attendant boasted. "Would you like to see it in action?"
"Oh, I appreciate that, but I believe you." I glanced at one of the Captain America Frisbees on display. "I do like the Frisbee version," I said, passive-aggressively hinting at my untoward desire for this one specific toy among the hundreds in our midst.
The representative put his finger over his lips, "Shhhh!" he said. "We don't call them Frisbees. It's a throwing disc. Are you sure you don't want to see the Disc Launching Shield in action?"
"Oh, no ... I'm, um, in my 30s."
I'm not exactly sure why I was so hesitant to see the Captain America Disc Launching Shield in action -- or why the whole setting unnerved me in the first place. After all, I own a few toys and am unashamed to acknowledge this or show them off. But there's a fine line-- or at least a finer line than I thought before visiting the Toy Fair -- between "displaying a small collection" and "playing." Once you cross it, it's hard to return. To wit, while I'm not sure if the Captain America attendant ever got someone to take him up on his shield demo, but approximately 30 seconds after our conversation ended, I heard a bellowing scream. When I turned to look, the man ecstatically held a plastic toy Thor hammer aloft.
I can only assume that he crossed "the line" quite a long time ago. And in the way we admire people who live their dream, I admired this. Now? Just get me the hell out of here.
[Top photo: Getty Images]
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Comments
Yes, too true! Going to the 2nd largest toy company in the world's media event, directly tied to the 1980's licenses they hold and which are generally the flagship of their boy's toys product lines certainly shouldn't have generated the slightest inkling that you'd be there with (gasp) people who run sites dedicated to collecting those toy lines.
It's also unlikely to expect that the presenters want to, well, present their toys to you so you actually see what they do, when you're advertising or talking about them on the site you're there representing. It's unrealistic of Hasbro and their crew to assume any of this.
A very good article all around. It was well written, and it really brings out how people who like things like sports, toys, cars, or anything else more than you do, are many rungs down on the ladder of importance in life. Well played, sir.
Let's hope your pulitzer nomination is in the mail!