Jack Nicholson Has Lost His Game and 8 Other Sad Admissions From the Aging Star

Remember how James L. Brooks' latest drama How Do You Know went down in flames at the U.S. box office just a month ago? Well, its co-star Jack Nicholson was so willing to help salvage his frequent collaborator's film overseas that he offered a rare 90-minute interview to create buzz for its U.K. premiere. Unfortunately, the sit-down is drawing more attention to the 73-year-old's bizarrely depressed confessions (listed below) than to his latest film.

1. He has lost his game.

'I'm definitely still wild at heart. But I've struck bio-gravity. I can't hit on women in public any more. I didn't decide this; it just doesn't feel right at my age. [...] There were points in my life where I felt oddly irresistible to women. I'm not in that state now and that makes me sad."

2. Fame has brought him fortune, achievement and fans who treat him like chthonic monsters or national monuments.

"I don't want to be treated like the Medusa or the Lincoln Memorial. People have an idea of me which is not the reality. On set I'm an actor like every other actor."

3. He suffers from insecurity, just like you.

"Most times, for every part I play, I can think of other actors who would be better. I worry from the moment I take a job. [...] I get extremely anxious. I panic. I can't get it."

4. In spite of some of the best yelling scenes in cinema history, Jack Nicholson prefers non-yelling roles."

"I am from a different era of movie acting. My career doesn't depend on explosions and pyrotechnics. What I liked about [the How Do You Know] script is that the same rules apply. It hasn't got people flying off walls and lots of guns and yelling."

5. His wild nights are over.

"The last three times I've been in New York filming, I didn't leave my hotel room for one single night."

6. He touched the first breast implants and hated them.

'I've never been comfortable about surgery. I was on the receiving end of one of the very first chest augmentations. When I touched what felt like polythene, that was it. The fuse went out. Maybe it's childish, but I couldn't cope with it." [Later in the article, he added,

"I mean, if someone can fool me with a new chest or lips, then I'm happy to be fooled."]

7. The moment he knew he was getting old was...

"A few years back I noticed I don't have any hair below my sock line, and I thought to myself, 'Jackie, that's an old man.'"

8. No woman has ever accepted his marriage proposal.

"I've had everything a man could ask for, but I don't know if anyone could say I'm successful with affairs of the heart. [...] I've been so struck I've said, 'Come on, let's go, let's get married.' But no woman has ever recognized what I say as being legitimate. They think of my reputation, Jack the Jumper. I'm damned by what people think."

9. That being said, he hates when his female company makes outlandish demands for actual dates.

"It's not like I'm starved for company -- I have a few very good lady friends -- but there's only a certain amount of times a woman wants to see you and never go out for dinner."

Ah, Jackie. If melancholy anecdotes are directly proportional to international sales, maybe you can save the box office fate of How Do You Know.

· The Melancholy Confessions of Jack Nicholson [Daily Mail]