Weekend Receipts: Horny Natalie Portman Narrowly Tops The Green Hornet At The Box Office

Audiences decided they'd very much like to see Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher have a lot of sex this week, as No Strings Attached ruled the box office. And while the ladies were busy watching pretty people fall in love, the dudes watched a doughy stoner punch guys as The Green Hornet settled for a very close second place. Your weekend receipts are here.

1. No Strings Attached

Gross: $20,300,000 (new)

Screens: 3,018 (PSA: $6,726)

Weeks: 1

After years of wandering in the desert as elaborately robed princesses or period cupcakes, Natalie Portman has truly arrived. Between this and Black Swan, America loves Natalie -- so long as Natalie is having a lot of sex. Bonus points if that sex is with a fellow ballerina. Keeping that in mind, I look forward to Natalie's next movie, The Spectacular Screwventures Of Betty Bonerworthy Through Humpsylvania And Beyond.

2. The Green Hornet

Gross: $18,100,000 ($63,441,000)

Screens: 3,584 (PSA: $5,050)

Weeks: 2 (change: -46.0%)

And on a related note, I think I've been writing about this movie since last April or so, and each and every time I mean to write The Green Hornet, I accidentally type The Green Horney. Like EVERY TIME. Even just then. Ironically, I would guess that The Green Hornet set was probably the least horny set possible.

3. The Dilemma

Gross: $9,727,000 ($33,364,000)

Screens: 2,943 (PSA: $3,305)

Weeks: 2 (change: -45.4%)

Nota bene to Darren Aronofsky, David Fincher, Tom Hooper, Christopher Nolan, David O. Russell or whomever else might get nominated for the Best Director Oscar this year. Even if you do win, you still might end up directing a lazy, flabby unfunny "comedy" with Vince Vaughn in under a decade, like poor Ron Howard. Plan ahead, directors!

4. The King's Speech

Gross: $9,164,000 ($58,622,000)

Screens: 1,680 (PSA: $5,455)

Weeks: 9 (change: -0.2%)

It's been out for something like two months now; why haven't I seen any autotuned speeches from the movie? C'mon, Internet! Don't let me down.

5. True Grit

Gross: $8,000,000 ($138,633,000)

Screens: 3,464 PSA: $2,309)

Weeks: 5 (change: -27.3%)

Forgive me for invading True Grit's space, but Yogi Bear is getting close to making $100 million and I am terrified. Does this mean that there's going to be a sequel? I pray for the 2012 apocalypse to strike us down first.

[Numbers via Box Office Mojo]