Bad Movies We Love: S.F.W.

After an hour of his scattered hookups with babes who tell him to feel worse about the dead hostages or good for being such a hero, we hit the film's climax at a school assembly, where the coupled-up Cliff and Wendy are the main speakers. By this time Cliff has owned his status as a cult and/or mainstream hero, and he's unleashing gruff soundbites left and right. (The best one: "I don't consider myself nothing -- with all you reporters doing it for me.") Before he can proclaim himself a benevolent god of not-caring, a dorky pariah in the crowd (Amber Benson!) stands up, points a gun at him and Wendy, shrieking, "Everything matters!"

She's taken off to jail, but "Everything matters!" -- mysteriously -- becomes the town's hot new catchphrase. It's like "Where's the Beef?" or "I Ain't No Hollaback Girl" or "Sic Semper Tyrannis." People love catchphrases in this movie! You can always use another tie-dye tee, after all, and catchphrases spelled in Comic Sans font look fetching on their magenta-lime tableau. While "Everything matters!" overtakes the world, Cliff and Wendy quietly decide to marry at the hospital, even though both have suffered gunshot wounds. They've survived the press's onslaught, and now they can get back to caring (!) about important things like each other.

Lame. An early-90s spin on adjusting to life after a psychological trauma? Um, did you want the creators of Reality Bites to remake The Best Years of Our Lives? That's what happened here.

Yet despite the past 45 paragraphs, I promise this is lovable. "Why? How?!" you clamor, like clueless witnesses in a whodunit.

Well, the heavy-handedness of director Jefery Levy's film is delightful. Guess what song plays when Cliff sees a picture of himself on a newspaper and feels disoriented. It's "Creep," by Radiohead. Guess what song plays when Cliff bangs a petty teenage whore. "Teenage Whore" by Hole. Guess what music video Cliff watches when he's feeling isolated? "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden. The S.F.W. soundtrack might be called "Now! That's What I Call Disenfranchised Youth 14!"

Lastly, guess how Cliff responds to the press question, "Exactly what is it you are rebelling against?" Oh, child: With, "That depends. What you got?" Yes. Stephen Dorff, our own personal Star Fox, is ripping off Marlon Brando dialogue. That's the crux of S.F.W.'s woes and wonderfulness: It is serious about being the not-take-itself-seriously movie of a generation of un-serious people. Seriously. Historians will note that the box-office take of S.F.W. ($63,649, according to IMDB) is less than some contestants make on a single episode of Wheel of Fortune. Maybe it should've curbed its ambitions of a searing Hoop Dreams triumph somewhat.

The pomp of it all. Plus, Joey Lauren Adams plays a meaningless role. And Jake Busey plays a meaningless role. And he is an angry albino warlord at 6'4 and 121 pounds.

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