Mike & Molly Fat Joke Tracker: 'What To Get the Man With No Neck'

Mike & Molly rebounded from a particularly fat joke free episode with last night's "First Christmas," in which the plump lovebirds shared, well, their first Christmas, while their friends and family members lobbed unfunny size-ist insults at them. Don't you just love sitcom holidays? Let's review the awful zingers.

"I have no idea what the woman likes!"

-- "Well apparently she likes big dumb guys." -- Mike and his best friend

"I love that he's trying to find the perfect gift. But he's running out of time which means I'll end up with ear muffs and a fudge log...which I'll love." -- Molly

"I've left a couple open catalogs out on the night stand."

-- "Well, you might want to leave those catalogs in the refrigerator. [...] Otherwise, you're going to be losing valuable closet space for a set of golf clubs." -- Molly and her mother

"What was I gonna do? I was helping grandma get her Rascal [scooter] down the escalator. [Mike] wondered off and then he came back eating a lemon bar and wearing a bomber jacket. It's like going to the mall with a 300 pound toddler." -- Mike's best friend

"Oh, cashmere scarfs!"

-- "...what you get the man with no neck." -- Molly and Mike's best friend

"I hate Christmas."

-- "What happened? Did your reindeer finally quit?" -- Mike and his waiter

"I cannot believe the pressure you Americans put on yourself at the holidays. And why? You live in nice homes, have a car to drive and clearly have enough food to eat." -- Mike's waiter

"I got you the kind [of underwear] to prevent chafing. When he was little, I had to butter his thighs." -- Mike's mom

Nothing says "holiday cheer" like a fat guy's buttered thighs. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!