Gleebasing: You're a Mean One, Sue the Grinch

The business of song selection during "A Very Glee Christmas" may have left a lot to be desired, but the yuletime themed episode provided enough Glee-tasfaction for the holiday season. (Well maybe not for the Hanukkah season, but Christmas was very well represented.) There was plentiful Sue Sylvester, another endearing Brittany storyline, a heartwarming duet between Kurt and his dreamy new love interest, a Grinch homage that put Ron Howard's 2000 film to shame, and a happy ending, even for the cardboard cutout that has become Will Schuester. Now, for an extended recap and as always, a pop quiz. Pencils ready?

After Schue finds the Glee club throwing themselves a tree-trimming pity party, he tells them to forget their sadness and gear up for his own brand of humiliation. "We're going Full Santa this year!" Schue shouted. Now this is what I'm talking about!

Yes, Schue signed the New Directions up to go classroom-to-classroom caroling to raise money for homeless children, because, you know, no one loves throwing their lunch money at charity like high school students.

Meanwhile, Artie discovers that Brittany still believes in Santa, which is not much of a surprise since she believes in magic combs and crickets that sing to her at night and then steal her jewelry. To keep this belief alive -- in spite of all of the modern day high school obstacles that a 16-year-old Santa believer might face -- Artie drags the New Directions to the mall and demands that they all sit on black Santa's lap.

"Do you have anything for stretch marks?" Quinn wonders. "I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff," counters Mike Chang in his single line of the night. But when Brittany finally climbs onto Santa's lap, she asks Santa to give her boyfriend Artie the power to walk for Christmas. The black mall Santa, being the worst mall Santa ever, said "I'm on it," rather than "That's a tall order. Let's see what I can do." Had Brittany seen the episode "Wheels" last season, she might understand that this is a difficult request, even for Santa.

Elsewhere, Rachel tries to give Finn a Winter Wonderland Christmas experience but he is still bummed about her kissing Puck and walks out. Darren Criss maintains his standing as dreamiest Glee cast member by enlisting Kurt for a romantic duet of "Baby It's Cold Outside." But the pair could not consummate their relationship with a fireside kiss because Schue happens "to just drop by" to beg Kurt for shopping advice for the faculty Secret Santa gift exchange. Because gays know shopping! There is a Bravo show in here somewhere.

You see, Schue had drawn Sue's name...but so had Emma and Coach Beiste and everyone else because Sue had rigged the Secret Santa lottery. "I'm everybody's Secret Santa," she says before collecting her gifts from the shocked faculty members.

"We're not going to let you steal Christmas," Schue asserts before repossessing Sue's presents. Cue a Grinch montage in which Sue covers her face in green pant (camouflage), dons a Santa costume (holiday camouflage), makes Becky dress up like a reindog ("Trust me, they exist"), breaks into the Glee classroom and collects all the gifts from underneath their tree.

But through the power of song (of course), Sue realizes that there is more to Christmas than gift-theft, like keeping Schue company on Christmas.

And Coach Beiste, because she is actually a giant sweetheart, spends a small fortune on Transformer robot legs so that Artie can walk and Brittany can continue believing in Santa. The End. Now for the highs and lows.

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