Gleebasing: 'The Dog Days Are Over'

After overdosing on Sue Sylvester in last week's Carol Burnett-enhanced episode (Sue Sylvester literally married herself in a ceremony officiated by herself while her mother, played by Burnett, watched), Glee scribes carefully put Jane Lynch back into her Adidas-sponsored holding area for this week's episode, "Special Education." But that's OK, because Jayma Mays returned from a three week Anthropologie-sponsored guidance counselor retreat (one can only assume) to stomp all over Schue's heart with John Stamos, who appeared briefly in a montage. Actually, this is not OK at all. Let's review.

If Glee characters were action figures, I would propose a permanent trade of Emma Pillsbury for Sue Sylvester. Ol' Sue has already been filling the roles of Cheerios coach, principal and primary source of comic relief this season, so I don't think it would be too difficult for her to also pose as guidance counselor. Not only would this have improved last night's dismal humor quotient, but it would have also cured "Special Education" of the lackluster Emma-Schue story arc.

AngrySchue225.jpgSince Emma started dating "the hottest dentist alive," Will Schuester has transformed from a bright eyed, bushy tailed, white rapping school teacher into a mood swinging monster, terrorizing some fictional town of Ohio (pictured right). One minute he is making bad jokes about scalping Sectionals tickets and the next he is interrupting his students with gritted teach and screeching the words, "Me first!" (Does someone have that nomination form for McKinley High's Teacher of the Year?)

Will Schuester is all short fuses these days, like that scary alcoholic dad on Supernanny last year. Only instead of disappearing for three-day benders and returning with threats to burn down the house, Schue dissolves into his own weird depression, crooning at the weddings of his students' parents one day and engaging in weird Icy-Hot sex with his ex the next. Sometimes he is in a decent mood; other times he snaps at his star New Direction: "Take that off!! I'm tired of this, Rachel!! You have a terrible attitude!! You are a lousy sport and it is not okay anymore!!"

I am scared to enter the choir room, frankly. What mood will Schue be in? Will he slap Finn on the back and charismatically yell "Now that's what I'm talking about!" for no apparent reason? Will he knock some sense into his students Ike Turner-style? Or will he take to his bed with "the flu"? Until an intervention is planned, we can only hope that Mercedes voices her (and our) fear in a Annie Lennox tribute about how everyone is walking on broken glass...or egg shells.

But last night's "Special Education" was not entirely frightening and plot-less. New Directions tied with the Warblers at Sectionals, qualifying them for Regionals. Kurt enrolled in his new private school and almost killed a bird named Pavarotti. Rachel discovered that Finn had slept with Santana and revenge-kissed Puck. Artie and Brittany took their relationship to the next level after a misunderstanding about the word "adultery." Schue was moody. And Emma married Carl in Vegas and looked into the camera with regret while the New Directions were jamming out to a Florence and the Machine song. Let's take a look at the highs and lows.

HIGH NOTES

· Darren Criss. But is Darren Criss's charm overwhelming the rest of the cast, even Chris Colfer?

· Santana's Amy Winehouse tribute, "Valerie."

· "I know that I can't, just like I know that the cricket that reads to me is totally stealing my jewelry." -- Brittany to Artie.

· Rachel and Kurt bonding over Evita.

· "Why don't you come to my church on Sunday and get some of my cousins to sign up for the Klan?" -- A black McKinley student to Puck after he tries to recruit him to the New Directions.

· Rachel Berry duct-taping her mouth shut.

LOW NOTES

· Couldn't Rachel just be mad that Finn slept with another girl? Did their fight have to return to Rachel's unlikely insecurity about her appearance?

· The New Directions' senior citizen competition at Sectionals: The Hipsters.

· Disturbing lack of Sue Sylvester and Burt Hummel.

GLEESARY

Am-bad-ass-ador -- (n.) The position as highest ranking (and most bad ass) diplomat of the glee club at McKinley High. Puck assumes this position in order to recruit a twelfth member to the New Directions so that they can compete in Sectionals.

Hobbit -- (n.) Santana's nickname for Rachel, along with Yentl.

POP QUIZ

1. Artie gives Brittany a magic ____ for good luck at Sectionals.

a) fedora

b) comb

c) sock

d) rock

2. If the New Directions lose at Sectionals, what does Brittany suggest they throw onstage?

a) Raccoons

b) Pasta

c) Hair clippings

d) Possums

3. The football team locks Puck inside of a ____ for 24 hours after he tries to recruit them for glee club.

a) Porta Potty

b) Locker

c) Genie bottle

d) Dance cage

e) Glass case of emotion

4. Who does Schue choose to be the surprise star(s) of McKinley's Sectionals performance?

a) Himself

b) Brittany and Mike Chang

c) Lauren and Puck

d) His white-rapping alter-ego Dwaynez

5. What does Lauren demand in exchange for joining the New Directions?

a) A walk-on role on House.

b) A Hot Topic gift card and a vocal coach.

c) A Katy Perry solo and everyone's vote for prom queen.

d) A carton of Cadbury eggs and seven minutes in heaven with Puck.

6. Who is Lauren?

a) No clue

b) A wrestler who loves Cadbury Cream Eggs (out of season)

c) Seriously, no clue

d) An extra

ANSWERS: 1) b; 2) d; 3) a; 4) b; 5) d; 6) b



Comments

  • Citizen Bitch says:

    Was nice to see Time of My Life (even without the lift) after Dancing denied us!

  • Craig says:

    If it keeps Will from rapping, I hope Emma stomps his heart every episode.

  • Camille says:

    First off I'd like to say "WOW", this episode had the best overall song selection this season. While I indeed spent the entire episode jonesing for Sue, I'm going to disagree and say that I was fairly giddy to see Emma again... and this is for several reasons. The fist and most obvious reason is because wherever Emma goes John Stamos is sure to follow (however brief: worth it). Next, while Shue's mood swings have been exhausting to keep up with, at least when Emma's on the episode the audience can somewhat understand his macabre depression and violent outbursts, rather than just assume he's the neighborhood schizophrenic. Lastly, while Jayma Mayes doesn't posses NEARLY the comedic acting chops of Jane Lynch, her character's humor does contribute a small, refreshing element to the show. What really sent me in a fit of rage was the fact that the Glee producers didn't think to implement Susan Boyle into the Singing Geriatric Brigade. I mean COME ON, that's a no-brainer.

  • Rafaela says:

    I'm still in the team "This season sucks! Give me the decent musical show back!".
    Shue was an as*. Quinn doesn't know how to sing without auto-tune, and even so, it sound like elevator music. Lea Michele talent is going wasted on season 2, thank god for her bonding time with Kurt. Brittany dating Artie is *sooooo* wrong. No chemestry, no nothing...
    *sighs*
    Brittany and Mike Chang dancing was the best part of the episode. Followed closely by the bonding time between Rachel and Kurt... they should start their own glee club.

  • mistersnark says:

    I think it's funny that those Warblers are the standard issue tools of a boys private school with their leaderless glee club with its collective management (maybe someday you can sit behind the table). It's a room full of Sue Sylvesters (unflattering uniform, dictatorial behavior, all in the service of "teamwork" as they define it). Kurt will be back where his star will shine soon enough (especially if Rachel finally settles down). I think Kurt's also realized that maybe his prep school hottie may not be for him after all.
    As to the ep, meh. I get goosebumps at "Don't Cry For Me..." but "we're off to choir competition" episodes are generally bo-ring.

  • rens says:

    if glee goes back to it's basic idea of a teacher teaching a glee club - a lot of good stuff will come back
    suddnely they put songs all by thier own- no wonder the teacher is freaking out
    Emma's charachter does not have enough intercaion witht the kids
    that could be as source for moving along the story line and could be comic relief instead of always being dramatic
    in short lett of the kurt hummel show- and more dancing Shuster and wemma