A List of Every Relevant Thing That Happened at the American Music Awards
The American Music Awards insisted on happening Sunday night, and you're rightfully confused as to why Dick Clark allows these shenanigans to continue. There weren't many reasons to care -- after all, Adam Lambert didn't even catapult his crotch into our face -- but ahead, here are the most indelible moments. Get ready to come down with Bieber Fever, guys!
· Rihanna put on a Lucy wig and sang in a tree. Fine.
· The Black Eyed Peas won their eighth award, bringing the AMA Legitimacy Count to zero.
· It's taken Enrique Iglesias over 10 years, but he finally looks like Justin Bieber. A teachable moment.
· Miley Cyrus is a grownup now, and you can tell because she sang in front of candles. She also wore Stevie Nicks rags and aimed for "Gypsy" flair but ended up looking like Sheryl Crow's entitled niece. Pretty cool.
· There is a rap/song trio called "Diddy Dirty Money," featuring Diddy. Welcome to 2010.
· Taylor Swift continued her Eve Harrington humility shtick upon winning Best Country Female, but she's also (damn it) a really likable person. I can't help it.
· Kid Rock sang a belty ballad. The audience bawitdabawled.
· "Favorite Latin Artist" winner Shakira didn't show. Dick Clark can finally cross that pesky "America" off his globe.
· The Black Eyed Peas sang a sleazy single. I'm going to call them a more fitting name for the rest of this post. How does "Kidz Bop Rainbow Party" sound to you guys? Perfect, it stays.
· A crasher stormed the stage and tunelessly improvised a pop single. It turned out to be Katy Perry in a planned performance, which took the fun out of it.
· Willow Smith introduced Justin Bieber. Totally thought she was going to present his old ass with the Thalberg Award.
· Jon Bon Jovi decided to quit aging in 1998.
· Justin Bieber wore one of his fancy Rihanna jackets when winning the Breakthrough Award. He also said he came from "the smallest town in the world with, like, 30,000 people." The people of actual small towns will take this to town hall.
· Taylor Swift gave her best award show performance to date -- and she also sang a lick or two of OneRepublic's "Apologize." Oooh.
· Justin Bieber won another award, and said during his speech, "I've been singing Eminem since I was, like, three." When he walked off the stage, he handed his trophy to a bystander like a jaded Kidz Bop Rainbow Party member.
· It's not a really a "burlesque" if I can see all of Christina Aguilera's desperation, is it?
· Lady Antebellum won something. I just thought of a mistake you can make if you're in an old-fashioned country band -- putting the word "antebellum" in your name.
· Ke$ha performed. It's a shame her name was mistranslated from its original Caucasian.
· Justin Bieber beat Lady Gaga, Eminem, Ke$ha, and Katy Perry for Artist of the Year. He is the first Artist of the Year whose primary medium is Spirograph.
· Best of all, the Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block joined forces for a climactic performance. They're still hangin' tough, and that's what makes them larger than life. And a little old.
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Comments
Where are the scare-quotes around the "relevant" in the title?
Since Adam Lambert wasn't performing I felt there was no point in watching. It sounds like I didn't miss anything. Fortunately, E! was airing a biography of Adam on The Hollywood Story at the same time! o/
Clever counterprogramming, E!
I recognize all the words in the above story, but not a lick of it makes any sense to me at all.
Watched the E True Hollywood story about Adam Lambert, aired at the same time - well from 8-9 pm.
It was great and will re-air on the E channel so check it out. After Adam's program ended I wasn't in the mood to watch the remainder of the AMA this year...
poor kid. he will be tagged as "faggot" the rest of his life. i still wonder why that much hate against him.
poor kid, he will be tagged as "faggot" for the rest of his life. i still wonder why so much hate against him
Watched Adam on E! last night. It was a great segment.
I am so glad I watched E! last night. These award shows are a Joke....
Watched Glam-Rocker Adam Lambert on E instead. It was a great story. It was even greater watching the Kris Allen fans whin about them daring to mention Kris' name without talking about how wonderful he is. I don't think they understood that the E HS was about Adam not Kris.
I saw no use in watching the AMAs this year since Adam Lambert was not on it. Too boring. Instead I watched Adam Lambert"s TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY on the E channel. Most entertaining hour of television I've seen in ages. Adam is a gorgeous, mega-talented, chrismatic man who would bring any show to life. So sorry the The AMAs doesn't have a clue what it takes to bring up their ratings.
Katy Perry needs to stop "singing" live. That is all.
I didn't watch AMA's this year. Watched E True Hollywood story on Adam Lambert. It was interesting and entertaining. Wonder how E Channel did on ratings?
Why do you point to Dick Clark? He sold his production company years ago and has nothing to do with the AMAs.
Something else relevant happened, but it's only relevant to me: I realized I am 100 years old. Seriously I only tuned in for the New Kids and Backstreet Boys (obviously), and I spent 80% of the rest of the show saying things like, "Who is this now?" "Is this how the kids are wearing their hair these days?" "Did they sample the song from Dirty Dancing? My ears are bleeding." It was a sad day for me.
I know he's in cahoots with the HFPA now (even though they're suing his company, or something), but I always think of the AMAs as Dick Clark's gig. Always will.
tom24 is so right: I used to be so excited about The American Music Awards but they are such a joke now. Thanks for saying that! I'm still excited when they are on but when the awards started going to people who shouldn't have got them in the first place, I don't want to watch the show to support it. I'm just so upset about those awards because the people who worked really hard and did great things didn't get any praise. Sad and angry!!!
tom24 is so right:The Ameriacan Music Awards are getting to be such a joke. Thank you for agreeing with me and saying that;it really needed to be said.This event is supossed to give public praise to the people who work hard and make great music;when this doesn't happen the the show is worthless.These Awards are making me just so sad and angry!!!
This was a very useful summary of a show I didn't watch because I was enjoying a biography on E! about Adam Lambert, a REAL singer. You know, like the kind who used to win awards back in the day.
This was a very useful summary of a show I didn't watch because I was enjoying a biography on E! about Adam Lambert, a REAL singer. You know, like the kind who used to win awards back in the day.
Yeah! Count me among the MULTITUDE of people who skipped the AMAs this year (heard their ratings were down 22% from LAST year) and watched ADAM LAMBERT E! True Hollywood Story. Now there's someone that should have been on AND WON numerous awards this year but USA Music Industry is still doing what they do so well ... LEAVING OUT the RELEVANT PERformers and showboating THEIR faves! Too bad ... hope the sponsors were happy with the ratings ... I LOVED them!!