Gleebasing: Everything's Better With an Academy Award Winner
Gwyneth Paltrow upstaged every member of Glee's ensemble cast last night while playing the cool substitute teacher to the New Directions. She sang well, proved that it is possible to white-rap without being altogether embarrassing, kept up with Lea Michele in a complicated Chicago song and dance number and fleshed out what could have been another one-note character at McKinley High. If Mr. Schue wants to take a sabbatical (maybe to try out that cruise ship entertainer career he's been fantasizing about), I'm sure Gleeks would be more than excited to have Holly Holliday fill in long-term. Until then, let's take a look at the highs and lows from last night's episode "The Substitute" -- and remember, there will be a pop quiz.
After Principal Figgins comes down with a particularly ugly strain of monkey flu, Sue Sylvester assumed the role of substitute principal (thanks to a clause in her contract). Her first order of business: destroy the glee club. Her second order of business: establish favor among McKinley High parents by enforcing healthy lunches and banning tater tots, which happen to be Mercedes' emotional binge food of choice. (And actually not a terrible idea.)
Rachel Berry appoints herself as Schue's glee club substitute until Kurt undermines her and recruits Holly Holliday (Gwyneth Paltrow), the best fictional substitute teacher on the face of the planet. She croons Schoolhouse Rock! songs into old-school radio microphones like Billie Holiday, suggests spontaneous field trips to Taco Bell, references medical-grade marijuana, gives students the answers to pop quizzes and is all-around cool. Not only does she ultimately win the affection of every New Direction student -- even Rachel, after agreeing to perform choreographed numbers from Chicago with her -- but she even wins the affection of Schue, and most importantly, viewers. (Although Fox certainly does not have the budget, I wouldn't mind if Emma Pillsbury mysteriously disappeared from the show -- which she does every other week anyway.)
While Holly is wow-ing everyone with her ability to speak Spanish fluently, rock a PG-rated Cee Lo song and keep up with Rachel Berry during a tap dance number, Schue is at home role-playing Nurse and Baby with his ex, Terri. Of course, this leads the pair to have have weird Vick's vapor rub divorce-sex. And Schue, like the audience, is immediately disgusted.
Meanwhile, back at the McKinley High ranch, Sue reprimands Holly for failing to punish Mercedes for shoving tater tots up the tail pipe of Sue's vintage European car. Distressed, Holly flees to Schue's house of monkey fever-induced Vick's vapor rub sex horrors to reveal that she is insecure about herself and that is why she tries so hard to be cool. Feeling better, Schue returns to his class and promises Holly that she will be the glee club's go-to substitute teacher.
Oh, and Kurt goes on a date with his new prep school crush, Blaine, and breaks down the obvious for Mercedes: She is filling her emotional emptiness with tater tots. Now onto the highs and lows...
HIGH NOTES
· Holly Holliday greeting the New Directions with this truism: "Nothing says bienvenido quite like a buttered floor.
· Puck's spastic imitation of Finn.
· Making fun of Schue, "Come on guys, there's gotta be a Journey song we haven't done yet."
· Sue Sylvester and Holly Holiday watching Hoarders and drinking red wine.
· Sue telling Schue: "Right now I'm tempted to sell your scalp on the black market as a tiny full-length shearling for only the most fashionable premature babies."
· Dare I say, every number in this episode was a high note.
LOW NOTES
· Schue's reconciliation with Terri.
· Anticipating that Gwyneth Paltrow will not be part of next week's episode.
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Comments
I was shockingly attracted to Gwyneth Paltrow in this episode. To be clear, this is not something I've experienced before.
I could not, and still cannot, understand how Gwynie was so enjoyable to watch last night. Really well done.
Sadly, I'm a teeny bit played out on Kurt's current story line, although i did quite audibly chuckle when Mercedes (SPOILER!) imagined that tiny purse popping out of his mouth.
Oh how I dread not seeing the intoxicatingly talented Gwynie next week! While I personally thought that this has been the best episode of the season, it was bittersweet knowing that the exact variable (Paltrow) that made last night so excellent, may vary well never return. However unlikely Paltrow's return may be (after a year and a half of Glee's persistent and slightly irrational need to taunt viewers with the Emma/Will coupling) the thought of her coming back as a possible love interest for Will is wildly tempting and refreshing. As far as the rest of the episode goes... Schue's obsession with Journey was absolutely hysterical as it rang all too true for Glee's history. The Terri and Schue sex scene rivaled True Blood's on the disturbing level in that I felt my eyes had been physically violated afterwards. All in all, sublime episode. I would here and now like to support a Gwyneth Paltrow spin-off.
Oh how I dread not seeing the intoxicatingly talented Gwynie next week! While I personally thought that this has been the best episode of the season, it was bittersweet knowing that the exact variable (Paltrow) that made last night so excellent, may vary well never return. However unlikely Paltrow's return may be (after a year and a half of Glee's persistent and slightly irrational need to taunt viewers with the Emma/Will coupling) the thought of her coming back as a possible love interest for Will is wildly tempting and refreshing. As far as the rest of the episode goes... Schue's obsession with Journey was absolutely hysterical as it rang all too true for Glee's history. The Terri and Schue sex scene rivaled True Blood's on the disturbing level in that I felt my eyes had been physically violated afterwards. All in all, sublime episode. I would here and now like to support a Gwyneth Paltrow spin-off.
Oh how I dread not seeing the intoxicatingly talented Gwynie next week! While I personally thought that this has been the best episode of the season, it was bittersweet knowing that the exact variable (Paltrow) that made last night so excellent, may vary well never return. However unlikely Paltrow's return may be (after a year and a half of Glee's persistent and slightly irrational need to taunt viewers with the Emma/Will coupling) the thought of her coming back as a possible love interest for Will is wildly tempting and refreshing. As far as the rest of the episode goes... Schue's obsession with Journey was absolutely hysterical as it rang all too true for Glee's history. The Terri and Schue sex scene rivaled True Blood's on the disturbing level in that I felt my eyes had been physically violated afterwards. All in all, sublime episode. I would here and now like to support a Gwyneth Paltrow spin-off.
Oh how I dread not seeing the intoxicatingly talented Gwynie next week! While I personally thought that this has been the best episode of the season, it was bittersweet knowing that the exact variable (Paltrow) that made last night so excellent, may vary well never return. However unlikely Paltrow's return may be (after a year and a half of Glee's persistent and slightly irrational need to taunt viewers with the Emma/Will coupling) the thought of her coming back as a possible love interest for Will is wildly tempting and refreshing. As far as the rest of the episode goes... Schue's obsession with Journey was absolutely hysterical as it rang all too true for Glee's history. The Terri and Schue sex scene rivaled True Blood's on the disturbing level in that I felt my eyes had been physically violated afterwards. All in all, sublime episode. I would here and now like to support a Gwyneth Paltrow spin-off.
Oh how I dread not seeing the intoxicatingly talented Gwynie next week! While I personally thought that this has been the best episode of the season, it was bittersweet knowing that the exact variable (Paltrow) that made last night so excellent, may vary well never return. However unlikely Paltrow's return may be (after a year and a half of Glee's persistent and slightly irrational need to taunt viewers with the Emma/Will coupling) the thought of her coming back as a possible love interest for Will is wildly tempting and refreshing. As far as the rest of the episode goes... Schue's obsession with Journey was absolutely hysterical as it rang all too true for Glee's history. The Terri and Schue sex scene rivaled True Blood's on the disturbing level in that I felt my eyes had been physically violated afterwards. All in all, sublime episode. I would here and now like to support a Gwyneth Paltrow spin-off.
i was surprised at how much i enjoyed watching gwyneth on glee, esp since i don't particularly like her. and though i will grant that her singing has improved A LOT! she can't dance. she was like a female Finn. her legs were awkward, her body was awkward. it was funny!!!
Oh how I dread not seeing the intoxicatingly talented Gwynie next week! While I personally thought that this has been the best episode of the season, it was bittersweet knowing that the exact variable (Paltrow) that made last night so excellent, may vary well never return. However unlikely Paltrow's return may be (after a year and a half of Glee's persistent and slightly irrational need to taunt viewers with the Emma/Will coupling) the thought of her coming back as a possible love interest for Will is wildly tempting and refreshing. As far as the rest of the episode goes... Schue's obsession with Journey was absolutely hysterical as it rang all too true for Glee's history. The Terri and Schue sex scene rivaled True Blood's on the disturbing level in that I felt my eyes had been physically violated afterwards. All in all, sublime episode. I would here and now like to support a Gwyneth Paltrow spin-off.
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