A Wish List for Conan's Premiere: A Movieline IM Discussion

Conan debuts tonight on TBS, and the staff of Movieline is... giddy? Worried? Sassily excited? Morbidly anxious? We're all of those things, but we're mostly hopeful that Conan O'Brien can jumpstart his new show by following our Conan wish list. Joining me to discuss our expectations of tonight's premiere (on classy Instant Messenger) is Movieline's own late-night expert Julie Miller.

Louis: Julie, Conan starts up tonight. Are you optimistic?

Julie: As an obsessive late night fan, I am. But I'm also scared that the expectations that have been building inside of me for the last ten months are going to be greater than tonight's premiere. What are your thoughts?

Louis: I do wonder how anyone, even Conan, can beat the hype. I'm also worried that after all the Jay Leno/George Lopez b.s., Conan is less cool now. I say that as a true-blue, lifelong, taped-Andy-Richter's-last-Late Night-on-my-parents'-VHS Conan fan.

Julie: Well, I think Conan is definitely less cool, sadly. But that does not mean he will be less funny. Although, as a rule of thumb, I don't know how any program leading into Lopez Tonight can be that funny. But I definitely have strong thoughts on what I think should and should not happen on tonight's show.

Louis: Perhaps Conan can start things off right with a totally unhinged opening sequence?

Julie: I know that we don't want to see any Leno references, but it would be kind of funny if it was just a low-budge opening with Conan and Andy smashing that blue old-school sports car that Jay Leno used to promote his 10 PM gig (and then Tonight Show 2.0) with baseball bats to the sound of Rage Against the Machine.

Louis: OK, that's fine, but I really don't want him to spend much time reviewing everything that's happened in his monologue. From then on, I want him to (God help me) take a cue from Jay Leno's 'new' Tonight Show and just jump right back into the job. I want it to feel like this show's been on since 1997.

Julie: I also would prefer to not see any remotes about his recovery from NBC and/or what he has been doing since January. Let's just move forward.

Louis: How do you feel about Andy on the show? I want him to be sillier. His place on Conan's Tonight Show felt stodgy.

Julie: I agree. I want them both to be sillier than they were on the Tonight Show. I don't think they found their groove -- or their ease -- until NBC actually fired them.

Louis: Yeah, they need to reenact the Burlesque trailer immediately. Conan in the Christina role?

Julie: That would be amazing. If I could submit one Make-a-Wish for tonight's show, I'd love to see a Late Night-style remote with Jordan Schlansky. But it's too soon for that I feel.

Louis: Maybe he should save that for Wednesday or Thursday. I can handle one unannounced celebrity cameo this evening, I think. David Letterman would obviously be the gold standard.

Julie: Right, but Letterman is taping two shows today in New York.

Louis: Julie, stop ruining my good time.

Julie: I was thinking Will Ferrell? Since he was the first Tonight Show guest.

Louis: He's a sure bet -- if an unsurprising one. He'll do something entertaining enough. And what about other bits? I'm down for a desk ride.

Julie: I'm always up for a desk ride too. I hope that he spends the entire Lea Michele segment asking about her decision to spread her legs and suck on hard candies provocatively for GQ. And I hope he picks up a guitar and jams with Jack White.

Louis: Conan better have his own provocative GQ pictures to show. I want to see him in a schoolgirl skirt gyrating alongside a cocky George Lopez.

Julie: Do you think G-Lo will stop by?

Louis: I think yes. Perhaps Conan will introduce him as Max Weinberg, and he can come out acting like a drunken fool or something.

Julie: Ha!

Louis: Overall, I want the show to be swift, unsentimental, and goofy.

Julie: And free of any Spanish, Chola makeovers and/or Chicano references.

Louis: Unless Joel Godard is involved. And I don't think that's going to be the case.