Sexy, Machete-Wielding Maniac Added to Cast of Gossip Girl, Butchers Rest Of Cast Of Gossip Girl

Model/Psychopath Jason Voorhees has been added to sexy television sensation Gossip Girl as a mysterious sexy heir to a sporting goods fortune who romances Serena van der Woodsen. "Jason will bring a sexy, dangerous edge to the show," announced executive producer Josh Schwartz. "After Jason's sexy photo spread for David LaChapelle and his shadowy connection to a grisly series of unsolved murders in Crystal Lake, he seemed a natural fit to our show."

UPDATE: Model/Psychopath Jason Voorhees has brutally slaughtered the cast of Gossip Girl, hacking them to bits in seeming retribution for their sexual promiscuity. Brushing off Jessica Szohr's steaming entrails off his shoulder and placing them next to Penn Badgley's still-beating heart, Voohees gave no official comment. The only known survivor of the merciless bloodbath was Connor Paolo, who plays Eric van der Woodsen, who has yet to have an on-screen kiss. Developing...