Richard Branson and McG Join Forces To Make Horrible Movie
Billionaire weed enthusiast Richard Branson has jumped into the world of film production with his new company Virgin Produced. But in its efforts to purchase its first spec script, this new company has produced the most frighteningly threatening sentence I've seen in some time. Read on to let the pure horror wash over you.
Quoth our sister site Deadline, Virgin Produced is "negotiating to acquire Columbus, a script by T.S. Nowlin that has McG attached to direct a 300-style film about Christopher Columbus and his discovery of America."
Once again, that's "McG is attached to direct a 300-style film about Christopher Columbus and his discovery of America."
Gentle reader, can you imagine anything that cuts you to the quick, that inspires more abject terror in you than the idea of McG doing a 300-style movie about Christopher Columbus??
Jesus wept, ladies and gentlemen. What does that sentence even mean? How can Christopher Columbus be doing anything in the style of 300? HE'S ON A BOAT. Did McG quickly thumb through a fourth-grader's world history book, slam it shut and exclaim, "It's good, but it needs more slo-mo sword fights with seven-foot tall gay crab monsters!"
I hope it gets made. I hope it costs $400 million dollars and the whole livelihood of several studios is on the line based on its success. And then I hope it fails as nothing before has failed. I hope it turns into a resounding bomb whose notoriety stretches to the outer reaches of own galaxy and indeed the edges of the collective human consciousness. Because it would have all began with the sentence "McG is attached to direct a 300-style film about Christopher Columbus and his discovery of America." And that should have been warning enough.
· Space Pioneer Richard Branson Discovers McG-Directed 'Columbus' For First Spec Buy [Deadline]
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Comments
[Slow, awe-inspired clap.]
Since Hollywood tried this twice, once with Tom Selleck and the other I don't even remember, OBVIOUSLY it's a brilliant idea to try it again. le sigh.
It doesn't sound THAT bad. I bet the 300-ish parts would come about when they disembark and meet the indians. It's probably gonna be more Apocalypto than any--- oh my fucking god. KILL IT WITH FIRE.
Wait a minute, McG is making a big budget movie about the life of the guy who directed Home Alone?
Or maybe I shouldn't have just skimmed over that article....
*returns to reading*
Oh, it's worse than I thought. Man sails, gets scurvy, finds the wrong continent, accidentally gives the Indians smallpox, and sails back and forth a couple of more time.
Yeah, that just screams 300.
There is no God.
This sounds cool to me! Virgin will surely have a good take on this story. Excited!
How much are they paying you, April?
Well, it's about time!
i think they mean the same way 300 was shot, in that graphic novel way, not the actual fight scenes. i for one would be interested in watching it, although it would be a rental.
Just have to toss in my two cents about the column itself, I am a little tired of reviewers coming off as those idiots who troll message boards just so they can voice their opinion on how much something sucks. It may be entertainment news but it is still news, grow a pair and speak with objectivity. All he did was buy a spec script, worlds change between a spec script and a final draft.
Jackass 3D made $50m this weekend. Can "a 300-style film about Christopher Columbus and his discovery of America," probably in 3D, be far behind?
Phantom Demonic, yes, yes. Those messages are the bane of the net, but are you defending this movie? What we're criticizing is the publically stated intent for this film. Not the buying of the spec material.
who the heck is mcg?
I think Will Smith is a very talented actor and is the only Hollywood personality I would give anything to meet, with his his family of course
Tell the Truth!!!! America has been ignorant too long.
Information I'm giving comes from your History books.
At virtually every previous landing on this trip Columbus's troops had gone ashore and killed indiscriminately, as though for sport, whatever animals and birds and natives they encountered, "looting and destroying all they found,".
More than 50,000 natives were reported dead from these encounters by the time Columbus had recovered from his sickness. And when at last his health and strength had been restored Columbus's response to his men's unorganized depredations was to organize them. In March of 1495 he massed together several hundred armored troops, cavalry, and a score or more of trained attack dogs. They set forth across the countryside, tearing into assembled masses of sick and unarmed native people, slaughtering them by the thousands.
Spanish reports of their own murderous sadism during this time are legion. For a lark they "tore babes from their mother's breast by their feet, and dashed their heads against the rocks." The bodies of other infants "they spitted. . . together with their mothers and all who were before them, on their swords."
Some Christians encounter an Indian woman, who was carrying in her arms a child at suck; and since the dog they had with them was hungry, they tore the child from the mother's arms and flung it still living to the dog, who proceeded to devour it before the mother's eyes.... When there were among the prisoners some women who had recently given birth, if the new-born babes happened to cry, they seized them by the legs and hurled them against the rocks, or flung them into the jungle so that they would be certain to die there.