Eastbound & Down Moral Compass: '3-D is Gay'

Last week, Movieline introduced the Eastbound & Down moral compass: the only regular feature on the internet that gauges Kenny Powers' moral direction. When we last consulted the E&DMC, the washed up baseball pitcher was headed straight to a locker room in hell after spending $22,000 of his assistant's savings on magnum condoms and whip-its, making provocative hand gestures under an American flag and doing a few key bumps of coke during baseball practice. Let's see if K F*ckin' P fared better in this week's episode, Chapter 209.

· Kenny manipulates the assistant he just shot in the leg into buying him some state-of-the-art technology for their apartment. "It's been a traumatic experience for you, dude," Kenny told Steve. "You've been through a lot. Maybe you should get a flatscreen TV. Don't skimp and get the Vizio. Get what you deserve. Get the Sony." DOWN

· Kenny criticizes 3-D television like he's in the trailer for The Dilemma. "3-D is gay. Nobody wants to sit on a couch wearing glasses popping bubbles out of the air like some kind of f*cked up Ray Charles." KP kind of has a point -- outside of the "gay" slur -- earning him a lateral move on the moral compass. EASTBOUND

· Kenny insults his neighbor's sister after the neighbor suggests the two date: "Ugh, sick. I always trade up. That's part of my code." EASTBOUND

· Kenny shows up at a grocery store signing wearing a Three Amigos mariachi costume. Because he did not shoot anyone or insult his fans directly, Kenny's MC pointed EASTBOUND.

· Kenny expounds the history of T&A to his boss: "It's no secret that ass has always been tit's greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing but with tits and ass." Since this was not spoken in the company of women, KP took another step in the lateral direction. EASTBOUND

· Kenny telling the son of the woman he just slept with that he was "all up in your mom's vagina last night." Disgusting. DOWN

· Kenny drinks, smokes, takes several bong hits, fires a weapon and eyes a dimebag of cocaine while taping his personal story on a cassette player. Who does he think he is, Roger Sterling? DOWN

· Kenny tells his neighbor's extended family about his previous night's sexual adventures during Sunday night dinner. DOWN

· Kenny knocks out an opposing team member on the pitching mound. DOWN

· Kenny shorts his former midget sidekick $40. DOWN

· Kenny tells Tony that his mother has an "incredible booty" before asking him to call him "father" and nearly puking on a Mexican roller coaster. EASTBOUND

OVERALL: Even though Kenny's wisdom about 3-D technology put him on par with James Cameron, his moral compass still pointed DOWN by the end of last night's episode. Maybe cut down on the weapons and dimebags next week, KP.