Grey's Anatomy Pain Scale: Please Shonda Rhimes, No More Treemen

What do you get when you combine a 28-year-old virgin, a joke about Brett Favre and a Treeman? Last night's traumatizing Grey's Anatomy crossover episode. In case you haven't seen that one unsettling episode of My Shocking Story on Discovery Health, Treemanism (not the scientific term) is an extremely rare skin disorder caused by an HPV infection that causes huge, unsightly warts to grow all over your body and your limbs to gnarl like tree limbs. One of these cases wandered into Seattle Grace last night and was greeted with the utmost professionalism abject horror like the unfortunate human being monster he was. So go ahead and grab your bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol and join Movieline as we relive each pang and crippling psychological trauma caused by Shonda Rhimes in last night's episode, titled with absolute political correctness, "Superfreak."

Cristina Climbing Into Bed With Meredith and Derek

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 1. Slight discomfort. Like I mentioned during last week's pain scale, the least shopworn relationship in season seven is Cristina and Meredith's. So seeing Cristina hitch her way over to Mer and Der's at midnight because she is terrified of having another post traumatic stress flare-up was fine. After that initial mild discomfort, seeing the three of them in bed was oddly comforting.

McDreamy's Hot Younger Sister McFloozy Being Introduced For the First Time in Seven Seasons

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 3. Mild headache. There is something annoying about Grey's Anatomy writers cavalierly introducing a family member of McDreamy's as late as season seven, just to fill the Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice cross-over quota, especially for non-fans of Private Practice. If Derek had such a problem with his spitfire younger sister ten years ago when she raised hell for their mother, why doesn't he just flat-out ban her from the hospital? Why isn't Meredith bothered by McFloozy's suspicious return to McDreamy's life? So many questions.

McFloozy Bringing McDreamy a Cancer Patient as a "Peace Offering"

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 6. Chest pain. Shortness of breath. Come on Grey's. McFloozy has not seen her brother in a decade and she is going to ease her way back into his heart by bringing him a surgery opportunity whom she met on the plane ride up to Seattle -- when she had sex with him in the bathroom? The moment was briefly helped by McSteamy's wry observation about the studly fellow trailing McFloozy, "You brought your brother Brett Favre." OK, no it wasn't.

Jerry, the Hooded Treeman Making His First Appearance

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 8. Chest pain. Nausea. Viewers knew something was up when Bailey and Lexie RECOILED IN SHEER HORROR after catching sight of a hooded figure slouched outside of Seattle Grace. After a well-timed commercial break ("What kind of monster was in that car? Wait through these ads for Dancing with the stars to see!"), Bailey managed to coax Jerry the Treeman, a warty guy with tree trunks for hands and feet into Seattle Grace's safe space -- where esteemed TV medical professionals would continue to gawk at him freely.

Derek Telling Owen That They Have No Control Over Their Women

Where It Falls on the Pain Scale: 2. Discomfort. "We're trying to steer them in the right direction," McDreamy wisely counseled Owen about their wives. "But in the end, we just don't understand." I don't like Owen seeking marital advice from the doctor who as recently as last week, was the subject of at least three urine-related jokes following time in jail, but at least Derek knows his place.

Realizing That Jerry the Hooded Treeman Had an Emotionally Abusive Wife

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 5. Fever. Chills. Paranoia that limbs will also turn into gnarled claws and lead us into the un-gnarled arms of the first emotionally abusive person who can handle the sight of us. It was a nice touch, giving Jerry a wife at first. It showed viewers that, "Hey, you can have a crippling disfigurement that causes clinical depression, suicidal tendencies and well-coiffed medical professionals to stare at you like a circus sideshow, but someone will still love you. And that someone may have no patience for your condition, demand that you undergo dramatic surgery against your will and then be selfishly disappointed afterward when it is unsuccessful because the two of you can't go to the Steak n' Shake for date night without more stares."

Watching Lexie Nearly Lose Her Lunch in the O.R. While Operating on Treeman

Where It Falls on the Pain Scale: 8. Relentless nausea. Stomach cramps. The only thing worse than watching a credible (TV) surgeon cut off each rough tree wart on Jerry the Treeman's unconscious body was watching Lexie dry heave while doing so. Give Treeman a break already, Shonda! This Halloween HPV horror story is exhausted. There might as well have been plucky string music and looped in female screams every time the camera rested on Jerry.

April Admitting That She is a Virgin

Where It Falls on the Pain Scale: (Broken) The Grey's Anatomy Pain Scale is so exhausted from measuring every single Treeman scene in last night's episode. Listen, April admitting that she is a virgin was completely predictable. And in the future, 28-year-old virgins everywhere should probably have a realistic "first time" story ready that does not include the beach at sunset (that's a dead give-away) for when your co-workers pressure you into talking about that moment against your will.