Modern Family Family Member of the Week: 'Earthquake'

The Pritchetts and Dunphys were united by a blast of seismic anxiety last night. It started with an earthquake, but the aftershocks counted more: Phil found an opportunity to redeem himself for his shoddy handyman skills, Jay and Manny engaged in a conversation about the Great Almighty (no, not Gloria), and Cameron and Mitchell nudged and antagonized each other like two boisterous tectonic plates. So: Who gets to be family member of the week?

Family Member of the Week: Jay Pritchett: Jay's been on fire this season: His salty badinage with Manny gives us the show's most unforced moments of wit, and last night, we watched as Manny's existential crisis threatened his short game at the golf course. Danger, Manny. Of course, we also watched as God (who is probably a lot more like Gloria Delgado-Pritchett than we realize) threatened Jay's existence for skipping church to hit the links. His musings on the conscience ("If God had a problem with me, he would let me know without shaking the whole city. He'd be a little more specific"), the presence of "bad people" in heaven, ("It's the tiniest fraction. They're walled in"), and Manny's golf game-thwarting questions ("You distracted me. I could hear you thinking") make him this episode's undisputed oracle and champ.

2nd Place: Mitchell Pritchett: Sure, Cameron was the one who invented the insane earthquake tales that compelled Pepper to visit (and bring hilarity along with him), but it was Mitchell whose reaction shots and plummy-eyed disbelief made their situation believable.

3rd Place: Manny Delgado-Pritchett: The Dunphy children may have been grounded and maligned this episode, but Manny topped their woes with one simple feat: Superseding this realm of consciousness and entering a suspended state of perpetual awareness. What I mean to say: He grilled Jay about hell and learned that God just wants you to be quiet while he sinks this shot, OK?

4th Place: Cameron Tucker: Cameron's confessionals are the funniest, and that's because he feels he has the most to confess. His reasons for dating insufferable party host Pepper Salzman in the '90s? "It was the nineties. We'd just lost Princess Di." Living life like a candle in the wind, y'all.

5th Place: Phil Dunphy: The Dunphys' foibles this episode were amusing at best, but they didn't intend to be showstoppers. Claire was locked in the bathroom with a plumber following the earthquake, Phil rushed to finish a project while she was stuck there, and the Dunphy kids raced about to do as they pleased while Claire was indisposed. Still, Phil clocks in at fifth place for the lie he fashioned about why he started fixing the cabinetry instead of freeing his wife: "This cabinet was the problem! Yeah, this cabinet is very heavy, and because it wasn't properly anchored to the wall, it was sort of a ripple effect. It was pulling part of the floor down and pushing part of the floor up, causing the bathroom door to please don't tell Mom on me."