5 Ways Lifetime's Jersey Shore Knockoff Brighton Beach Could Be Awesome

We've been both excited and worried about Jersey Shore spinoffs, but this one might be the gnarliest yet: Lifetime will air a multi-generational family version of Jersey Shore centered around Russian-Americans called Brighton Beach. Sadly, they have not cast Neil Simon as a gyrating party prince. You might say Brighton Beach sounds like a watered-down retread of MTV's reality juggernaut, but there are five ways this could be better than any of us imagined.

1. If it adopts an awesome Lifetime-centric nickname

I hope the multi-generational debauchery of Brighton Beach wins a few hilarious pet names that conjure images of Lifetime's favorite films: The Joy F*ck Club, for example. Or Skeevy Magnolias. Or The Hours: Except with Smushing. Fine, I just wanted to say The Joy F*ck Club.

2. If it maintains copious amounts of nationalistic pride

Say what you will about the untouchable quality of Jersey Shore, but they've ditched the macho Italian zealotry of the first season. Where's DJ Pauly D's flag-emblazoned turntable? Frankly, where is emphatic use of the word "guido"? The Russians need to charge onto our screens with Old Country swagger. I want sly references to Russia's great history, phrases like "I like a husky Ruski -- more cushion for the Pushkin, if you ask me," etc.

3. If the children also get a chance to party

"Multi-generational" means even the younger ones should win airtime. In fact, I'd like to see some sage kids compensate for their irresponsible elders, if this Brighton Beach is an actual riff on Jersey Shore's cast of partiers.

4. If it takes hints from Real Housewives

Lifetime has built its notoriety on the tagline "Television for Women," and thus it should take more hints from the Giudices than the Guadagninos. (If you don't understand that analogy, stop reading this article right now, you prostitution whore.) A familial reality series on a lady network has potential to be explosive, but I hope producers realize that Bravo's formula isn't an expired one. Reality is, it's probably less contrived at this point than MTV's.

5. If it introduces a single character who is more entertaining than Snooki

The real test of Brighton Beach's legitimacy will be if it delivers an unself-conscious starlet with Snooki's showstopping lunacy and the complexion of an average Chicken McNugget. Lifetime of all channels should be able to find a rightful female reality star, right? If it can't, I'll tire of this bolshevik rather quickly.

'Brighton Beach' reality series is a go for Lifetime [EW]