The Gossip Girl Wit & Wisdom Index: Despicable B

Welcome back to the dark side, Chuck and Blair. After spending two seasons flirting and meeting-cute, the pair regained their maliciousness during the latest episode of Gossip Girl, and it was all because of each other. Well, and also because Chuck's lady love was actually a lady of the evening. (As Blair said to an unwilling-to-take-action Chuck: "You just rewarded her for her tricks. Pun intended.") Meanwhile, in less scandalized news, Dan realized that clandestine outings with Serena weren't as fun as good scoldings from Vanessa, Rufus wore plaid, Nate tussled his hair and Gossip Girl got some competition.

About that last one: It turns out that Gossip Girl's website isn't your "one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite"; apparently PopEater cares about them too. Alas, they didn't provide any witty/wise voice over to parse through, though, so let's just head to the index.

"Overnight, our brooding billionaire has become a generous gentleman. But what's responsible for this metamorphosis? Or should I say who? Has a French fairy touched Chuck with her magic wand, or does simply being with an angel want you to grow wings too?"

Um, the latter? Chuck's wealth has become so comical that it's hard to call him generous when he's throwing a few pennies at some charity organizations.

Witty or Wise: Wise.

"Spotted: One angel selling her halo. Careful, Eva; returning that watch may cost you the time of your life."

Beyonce and Dirty Dancing referenced in the same V/O? Yes, please.

Witty or Wise: Witty

"Looks like Eva's past may be Blair's perfect present. But what's more dangerous for Chuck: Eva's secret or what B may do with it."

Let's dive into this subplot, since it will likely have ramifications for the next few episodes. Blair hates Chuck's new girlfriend, Eva, because she looks like Fleur Delacour because she's making Chuck happy. In trying to destroy her, Blair finds out she was a hooker. Case closed? Not really, since Chuck "accepts" Eva...so Blair plants Chuck's passport on Eva and forces the teen billionaire to consider that he's being scammed. It's a convoluted scheme (and not really one of Blair's best), but it worked. That Eva really was a hooker with a heart of gold is neither here nor there.

Witty or Wise: Wise.

"Uh-oh Chuck, looks like B stand for betrayal. Can you catch your angel before she flies away."

Spoiler: He cannot. Also, B probably stands for something else in this case.

Witty or Wise: Witty.

"In the prestigious buildings of Manhattan's elite, sometimes the door we open belongs to someone else. And sometimes we let someone in, only to be left out in the cold. Yet sometimes, despite what we may want, the door just has too many locks."

Perhaps thrown off by the PopEater competition, Gossip Girl ended her evening with a whimper. Yes, if doors have too many locks, they can't be opened -- but what door is she talking about here? Considering the visuals were on Blair and Serena, probably one of them (and probably Blair, because, um, Serena...duh).

Witty or Wise: Wise.

OVERALL: For an episode that was so ripe with one-liners (Blair calling Dan and Nate "Humphrey and Dumpty" was a choice moment) and backstabbing, it was disappointing to find Gossip Girl lose so much of her normal wit. As such, wisdom won out for the first time this season. Better luck next week, GG. Maybe watch some old Sex and the City episodes to regain your snarky mojo.