Dancing with the Stars Door Prizes: Pride in the Name of Lose

Dancing with the Stars wowed us with storytelling last night, and some of the celebrity contestants told more tolerable tales than others. Join us as judges Carrie Ann Inaba, Len Goodman, and Bruno Tonioli award their own "prizes" to three of the night's contenders. Join us for the insulting rundown.

The Carrie Ann Inaba "Diplomacy" Award Goes to Margaret Cho

Style: Samba

Score: 18

Carrie Ann's "Diplomacy": "Hey, Margaret! I love that you were out there wearing that rainbow and -- you know -- being proud! Of what, I'm not sure! But look! At the end of the day, when the homosexuals have gone to sleep and your glittery tiara has faded into a crown of thorns, you will still have the knowledge that you went out there and DID IT. Don't let anyone tell you didn't do it! I saw it! We all saw it. (Mournfully:) We all saw it."

The Len Goodman "Victorian Disgrace" Award Goes to Bristol Palin

Style: Samba

Score: 19

Len's Critique: "Last week I told you to take a chance. Well, this week you really did -- you took on a chance on embarrassing me in front of my peers. I'll never be invited back for the Duelists Ball at Eton at this rate. You have humiliated me, you Victorian disgrace! Your foxtrot was as vulgar and hippy-dippy as a middle-class florist from South Shields! Ptooey!"

The Bruno Tonioli "Sexy-Sexy-Sex" Trophy Goes to Audrina Patridge

Style: Waltz

Score: 26

Bruno's Critique: "You ceiling-staring little chinchilla. I knew we had a winner in you the minute you hobbled out here on your crazy-fine sex legs. You made everyone in America waltz in their pants, m'lady. You made Bruno's crotch shuffle like a Pinochle deck. You took the SEXY SEXY SEX crown away from selfish sex sorceress Jennifer Grey, and now you may wear it like the proud SEX-SEX monarch you are. Your hills gave me chills in my pants."