Grey's Anatomy Pain Scale: 'Lightning Never Strikes Twice'

Why do you keep watching Grey's Anatomy, seven years after learning the kinds of discomfort that Meredith's schmaltzy voice-overs cause, the chest pain that erupts every time Cristina Yang is stubborn in the face of emotion and the full-on migraines that develop with every single Mer-Der scuffle? Because occasionally, after wading through forty minutes of finely acted melodrama (is there any better kind?), Grey's Anatomy will produce one wonderfully heartbreaking moment between the show's real soul mates, Meredith and Cristina.

Their friendship may be just as much of a fantasy as any other impossible storybook surgeon romance in Seattle Grace, but those small moments are worth all the stabbing sensations in the world that Shonda Rhimes created. Now, let's examine that moment (of the good pain variety) and measure it against all of the pangs you felt during last night's episode called -- cringe -- "Shock to the System."

"Lightning Never Strikes Twice" Voiceover

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 4. Mild Pain. Last night's episode opened with this heavy-handed V/O: "They say lightning never strikes twice. But that's a myth. [...] It doesn't happen often. Lightning usually gets it right the first time." The truth is, no one would be watching Grey's Anatomy if they had a problem with those schmaltzy intros. When you are this deep into the masochistic relationship that is _Grey's viewership, you learn to own this kind of pain and find pleasure in it.

Two Jokes About McDreamy Smelling Like Urine

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 5. Moderate Pain. The first time a Seattle Grace resident told Derek Shepherd -- who came to work straight from the slammer -- that he smelled like urine, it was completely uncalled for and unfunny. The second time, it was sad. And the third time the incident was mentioned -- after a manic McDreamy shouted that he had showered not once but TWICE -- I was exhausted from watching Shonda & Co. beat this unfunny (yet beautifully coiffed) horse to its death. (For those who have not been watching: After Derek's near-death experience last season, Shep now seeks thrills racing his car upwards of 120 mph in Seattle. His hijinks have landed him in the slammer more times in two episodes than I care to count, and miraculously, he continues to walk away legally unscathed from endangering humans in auto-form. Although he does smell like urine and that is punishment enough.)

Cristina Yang, New Bride

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 1. Mild tingles. This felt new and for that, seeing Ms. Cristina Yang as a Mrs. was intriguing. She was still having a difficult time embracing her married life, but Mr. Yang Owen did his best to make sure she did not worry. He fed her, bathed her, fought her O.R. battles and short-circuited her brain so that for most of the episode, she wasn't exploring Yang's Fear of Commitment Index. And then she went into surgery and collapsed to the floor during an anxiety attack of scalpel-dropping proportions.

McSteamy Asking a Co-Worker (With No Irony Whatsoever) How Long He Should Wait Before "Proposing to Someone Who Just Got Out of the Nuthouse"

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 3. Nausea/Light abdominal pain. Plastic surgeons! They can be artists when it comes to reconstructing a face but neanderthals when it comes to dealing with women. Especially crazy ones. It was at this point that I stopped rooting for Sloan and Lexie a.k.a. Slexie (Loan?)

The Flag Football Love Triangle

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 2. Chills. A quartet of flag football players who had been struck by lightning were rushed into Seattle Grace last night. All of the males -- including the blood-spewing one -- were in love with the lone girl on the team. And...enh, I don't really care about Seattle Grace patients anymore unless they have husbands who own a gun and are willing to spend a two-hour long finale hunting down surgeons.

Cristina's Post Traumatic Stress in the O.R.

Where It Falls On the Pain Scale: 8. Severe pain. It was good pain though. Who cares which doctor has a husband who smells like urine and which doctor has a husband who force-feeds her multi-grain bars when those doctors have each other? In the same way that Meredith cut Cristina out of her wedding dress, Meredith came to Cristina's rescue in the O.R. when the latter collapsed after an intense bout of PTSD. It was melodrama, but it was touching. It was also the main reason why people should still have faith in this show.