True Blood Sex and Violence Meter: It's Hot Outside!

· At Merlotte's, Sam and Tommy fight. Tommy's vaguely unnerving man-crush on his own brother is over. (Violence: +3)

· Sookie and Bill play-act a better life where maybe they could live happily ever after and their wedding would warrant a cover sidebar in Us Weekly. Their reverie is interrupted when Eric and Russell pop up, Paper Mario style (look, once you get me started with the Nintendo references, I'm not going to stop) and hilariously stop the car with their bare hands. (Violence: +3)

· Holly is doing a weird baby-melting ritual with Arlene out in the woods. Holly says she needs a drop of blood for her witches' brew and makes a hilarious face. "Sip it or shoot it?" Arlene asks tremulously. Shoot it! (Violence: +2)

· Jason guesses that Kitch is using V, which is kind of a gimme since everyone in this episode is on V. "V's a illegal substance," Jason says. I love that Jason is too dumb to use a/an correctly. (Really, This is in the Penultimate Episode: +4)

· In a scene straight out of Joel Schumacher's Twelve, a tripping Lafayette hallucinates that his dolls are alive and murderous. Lafayette really is best when he's the weirdest person in a scene, and in a season that's had him act opposite Alfre Woodard and talking dolls, I'm not sure that he's being used to his best potential. (Really, This is in the Penultimate Episode: +5)

· After going to Eggs's grave and confronting Andy, a morose Tara bonds with Sam at Merlotte's, then bangs him. Boo, Tara and Jason is so much better. I was hoping Tara would get a meaty plot next season where she must mull suffering through Jason's incredible dimness to put up with his incredible hotness. This is a quandary underrepresented on television. (Sex: +7)

· Arlene has a vision where she's fishing, but not in Sookie's magic fairy lake of mid-day drinking. When she wakes up, her lower region is covered in blood, but she's eerily calm about it -- that is, until she gets to the hospital and learns that the baby is still fine. Not much happened here, but even so, the Arlene scenes have been really good lately. (Violence: +3)

· Crystal and Jason make out and she tries to get Jason to help her....save Hotshot? Ugh, Jason, go back to Tara. (Sex: +2, Really, This is in the Penultimate Episode: +3)

· At Fangtasia, Russell doesn't believe that Sookie is a fairy. She had trouble with that one too, Russ. Bill sells her out, though, and Russell and Eric both bite into Sookie so they can drink her special jaywalking daywalking blood. OK, finally someone is getting bitten on this show and doesn't seem to like it. (Violence: +5)

· Newly immune to the sun, Eric goes outside into the daylight. Russell blood-cries. Pam blood-cries. Russell goes outside to exult in the power, then gets handcuffed to Eric. You see, the fairy blood was only temporary! It's like in Mario Galaxy 2 when Yoshi eats those yellow berries that give him the power to see platforms, and once that wears off, you're screwed. No really. It is. (Violence: +3)

FINAL TALLY: In the end, Violence won out with 35 points, but at least the Inexplicably Penultimate Scenes beat Sex, 28 to 19. Keep your fingers crossed for the finale! And Sam, put down that vodka bottle.

Pages: 1 2