Stacking Jack & Jill Up Against the Fake Adam Sandler Movies in Funny People

The news that Katie Holmes -- and, apparently, Al Pacino!? -- has been cast in Adam Sandler's Jack & Jill came as a bit of a shock this morning... if only because it means Jack & Jill still exists. This is the movie that was announced last year with Sandler tapped to play "twin siblings at odds during Thanksgiving." Seriously? Seriously. If that sounds like the pitch to one of the fake Sandler films from Judd Apatow's Funny People, that's probably because it might be. Ahead, Movieline pits Jack & Jill against the oeuvre of George Simmons.

Jack & Jill vs. MerMan

Plot: Sander-as-Simmons plays a merman.

Co-star: Elizabeth Banks as a marine biologist.

How they compare: Clearly, MerMan is ridiculous -- the poster shows Sandler jumping out of the water, Free Willy-style -- but Jack & Jill will have the star arguing with himself. In drag. With Al Pacino running around. No contest.

Winner: MerMan

Jack & Jill vs. Re-Do

Plot: Sandler-as-Simmons plays a grown man who becomes a baby.

Co-star: Justin Long as his brother.

How they compare. They don't. As stupid as Jack & Jill sounds, nothing could be worse then watching a grown man turn into a CGI baby.

Winner: Jack & Jill

Jack & Jill vs. Sayonara Davey

Plot: Sandler-as-Simmons plays a man-child who gets mistakenly job transferred to Japan.

Co-star: Ken Jeong as the father of the family who takes him in.

How they compare: Sayonara Davey sounds about as plausible as Billy Madison, which means it should probably be greenlit; Jack & Jill sounds like a movie Eddie Murphy would think twice about doing.

Winner: Sayonara Davey

Jack & Jill vs. My Best Friend is a Robot

Plot: Sandler-as-Simmons plays a dude who has a robot for a best friend.

Co-star: Owen Wilson as the robot.

How they compare: Tell you what: I'd pay to see My Best Friend is a Robot in the theater; I wouldn't do the same for Jack & Jill.

Winner: My Best Friend is a Robot

Jack & Jill vs. Dog's Best Friend

Plot: Sandler-as-Simmons plays a cop who teams with a dog after his partner gets killed.

Co-star: The dog.

How they compare: Like Sayonara Davey, Dog's Best Friend has roots in reality: the Tom Hanks movie Turner and Hooch. As a result it automatically seems easier to swallow than Jack & Jill.

Winner: Dog's Best Friend

Jack & Jill vs. Astro-Not

Plot: Sandler-as-Simmons plays a NASA janitor who gets sent into space.

Co-star: Paul Rudd.

How they compare: Sandler playing his own sister in Jack & Jill aside, at least that movie is rooted in some relationship-based reality; the premise for Astro-Not is not. Though good effort for the tagline: "In space, no one can hear you clean."

Winner: Jack & Jill

Jack & Jill vs. Little by Little

Plot: Sandler-as-Simmons in a variation on Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

Co-star: Jay Baruchel.

How they compare: See, Sayonara Davey and Dog's Best Friend.

Winner: Little by Little

Jack & Jill vs. Code Green

Plot: Sandler-as-Simmons plays a park ranger who must team with a cop to catch an escape convict.

Co-star: Dwayne Johnson as the cop.

How they compare: Apatow was good at this, huh? Though if Code Green were real, Chris Rock would probably be playing the cop.

Winner: Code Green

Jack & Jill vs. The Champion

Plot: Sandler-as-Simmons plays a grieving dad-turned-hot dog eating champion.

Co-star: N/A, but let's assume Paul Rudd since he was the running joke co-star in all of these fake Funny People movies.

How they compare: Honestly, there doesn't appear to be that much meat on the bone for The Champion. Ahem.

Winner: Jack & Jill

[Images courtesy of /Film]