Harry Knowles Returns From Bi-Curious Brink With Overheated Piranha 3D Review
From Vampires Suck to Social Network and now Piranha 3D, it's All-Critic Day at Movieline! But Harry Knowles deserves it: While we may never know what inspired his highly sexualized, homoerotically charged Eclipse review, he's pretty unambiguous about Alexandre Aja's skin-baring, bloodletting J.O. fantasia, starting with the headline: "If Harry were in High School & PIRANHA 3D were on HBO... I woulda ruined alot of socks to this." Nice. Enjoy? Or something. [AICN]
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Comments
That's awful and disgusting, but his writing style (if you can even call it that) and disregard for grammar are still more offensive.
And yet, more people read his nonsense than the print edition of the New York Times. Isn't it ironic?
You know, in an Alanis-way, not the real definition.
LOL. nice work STV.
Closet wanna-be serial murder (nothing gets them going like half naked people having massive chunks of flesh ripped out of them by CGI fish).
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you, Movieline, for never making random use of the hyphen or ellipsis. Also, for joining nouns and verbs.
Nice try in attempting to replicate the Knowles . . . I guess "style" will work here. Problem is, you left out some key components:
First, you need to spend at least two paragraphs on where you are as you wrote --commenting on the scene at the Barnes & Noble cafe, for instance. (This place is freakin' amazing for the scones! Had a wicked ass blueberry one back when I wrote the first positive review of Costner in "untouchables"!) Next, burn at least 800 words on a childhood memory regarding your article and list countless arcane historical names that no one with a life will spend any time researching. Lastly, as you reach a piqued state and begin addressing the portion of your article people actually want to read, forgo any and all punctuation, save for a dozen exclamation points! It conveys excitement!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and lastly, use a caustic cleanser to return your keyboard to a usable condition.