Project Runway Recap: Tim Gargles on Woolly Balls

You read that right. Look, I'm running behind on today's Project Runway bitchslappy recap, so I'm going to barrel through last night's 90-minute party store romp with a greatest hits version of the recap where we just talk about important things like "animal woolly balls" and regular "balls" and what a sorceress of stank Gretchen has become. Onward!

· Ivy demotes herself in tolerability from "Slightly Annoying" to "Insufferable" in the first five seconds as she approaches two-time challenge winner Gretchen and hoots, "Congrats on your second win! Big win!" Big brown-nosing like a big suck-up, actually.

· Tim lures the 14 remaining designers to a party store called "Party Glitters" and makes them buy unconventional materials for the challenge. Yep, they're making evening gowns out of paper plates and stuff. Then he starts crowing about how everyone shouldn't buy wrapping paper, tablecloths, or anything resembling fabric. Casanova, using his power of forgetting to pay attention, buys a tablecloth.

· AJ gives the quote of the episode to Mondo: "I was going to do birthday, but it looks like you're going to do birthday." Oh, AJ. You really thought you were onto something with "birthday," didn't you? Back to the drawing board, Balenciaga. This guy proves that Daniel Vosovic's problem was his terrible obesity.

· AJ ratchets up another classic when he unleashes a monologue to Tim Gunn about how he shouldn't be expected to excel in a challenge that is all about his campy party-store aesthetic. Michael Costello, who I have decided to enjoy, responds: "AJ is saying, 'Why is this so expected of me?' It's because it's all you talk about. Everyone in the room knows that you love a hot glue gun. So yes, the anticipation of you turning out a badass garment is expected."

· Project Runway enjoys its best moment in three seasons when Tim Gunn walks over to consult with the thus-far-ignored Kristin and asked about her choice of materials. She bought embellishments called "Animal Woolly Balls" and regular "balls" (don't ask) and Tim Gunn announces, "I prefer the woolly balls!" and starts laughing so hard that his pearly complexion morphs to bloodstone. High-five to our horny uncle Tim.

· This week's guest judge is the only person I can think of who looks like both Ray Bolger in The Wizard of Oz and Carol Channing, Ms. Betsey Johnson. She makes fun of AJ's tattered paper plate mess and calls cute-Asian-Andy's sleek Lady Gaga ribbon affair "too beautiful." She also criticizes Gretchen, who places in the top three again, for her curious choice in boots and because it looked like "Tina Turner on the bottom and Mel Gibson in Mad Max on the top." And Gretchen stands there and takes it like a boot-unsavvy lame-ass. Yeah. No win for you, Gretch.

· Andy wins it and Sarah Trost, the frosty blonde with the monotone one-liners, is sent packing. More importantly, an ambulance drives to pick up Ivy, who fainted after leaving the runway. But really, it should've come to pick up AJ, who keeps chipping away at his jagged cheekbones with incessant chatter. There's always next week.