Real Housewives of New Jersey Reality Check: Home Alone, Housewives-Style

It took Andy Cohen two seasons, but the Bravo mastermind (and born sh*t-stirrer) finally found an ocean liner willing to transport the Real Housewives of New Jersey to the homeland. Still, before the rag-tag gang of reality stars set foot in Italy, there was the Home Alone-ian lead-up to the big trip, featuring night-before pizza parties with extended family, one disgruntled uncle, spilled milk (or thousand-dollar vases), one child's exile to the attic, and a bullying relative to torture the kiddies. This week's most real and fake moments await in the booby-trapped stairwell after the jump.

REAL: Ashley is Bravo's Kevin McAllister

Like Home Alone's protagonist, Ashley Laurita is the child who complains of being dumped on most. Instead of getting in a physical fight with Buzz the night before the big trip, Ashley's weave-pulling scuffle outside of the Brownstone (and resulting lawsuit) kept her away from the overseas adventure. Above, a photo of Ashley sulking in the equivalent of her own attic -- her family's walk-in closet -- as New Jersey's Harry and Marv presumably attempted to burgle the nearly-empty McMansion. Later that night, Ashley would make herself an ice cream sundae with everything in her family's refrigerator while watching the fictional gangster movie Angels with Filthy Souls.

FAKE: Caroline Manzo Had No Idea That Small Children Should Be Kept Away From Scalding Water, Sharp Edges

Even though each housewife (except for Danielle, who was left back in Jersey) traveled with a full staff of relatives ready to babysit at any moment, Caroline Manzo found herself stuck watching three of Teresa's high-strung daughters one morning, presumably a plot point envisioned by an eager Bravo producer. Without a tarantula to feed the Guidices or legends to tell about a neighbor hiding the bodies of his victims in trash cans full of salt, Caroline instructed the "phlegm-wads" to jump into the ship's hot tubs (even though children under the age of 16 were clearly prohibited) and stab each other with expertly sharpened crayons.