True Blood Sex and Violence Meter: Seduce and Destroy

After several weeks of fussin' and fightin', everyone on True Blood just wanted to get laid this week. Still, not everyone made it out of their long-rumored sexual assignations alive. Let's tally up the new episode's sex and violence to see which was on top (ahem).

· We come back to Sookie's hospital room, where the buzz from her "getting drunk in the middle of the day in a freaky commune" vision has quickly evaporated. Everyone is grabbing each other's arms: Alcide grabs Bill's. Lafayette grabs Tara's. (Violence: +1) This may be the most regulars that have shared a scene together since, like, season one.

· After a sad chat, Bill blood cries and walks out on Sookie, who regular-cries. What I love about the amount of blood-crying we've had this year is that the special effects really force the actors' hands -- no underplaying your emotions allowed! Even Matthew Fox might watch this show and say, "Maybe these characters are crying a little bit too much?" (Violence: +2)

· At Vampire Mansion, Talbot fights with Russell, who strokes his cheek as Eric looks on, making the same mental note he's been making for the last few episodes. (Violence: +1, Sex: +1) Meanwhile, Deb is really mad that Alcide is responsible for her boyfriend's death. "He killed my cooter!" she shrieks. Deb, you took care of that yourself when you pulled your Daisy Dukes up that high.

· Have you always wanted to see Arlene and Terry in bed together? You can check that one off your bucket list. Sadly, this peaceful tableau is interrupted when she has a vision that she's actually cuddling with Rene, who dream strangles her. (Violence: +3, Sex: +2)

· Finally, Jessica gets a good meaty scene where she begs a despondent Bill to continue as her mentor. She blood cries and Bill is touched, but he used up all his plasma already in the previous scene, so he just kind of gives her an awkward pat on the shoulder. (Violence: +1)

· Sookie's chemistry with the departing Alcide (Sex: +2) gets cockblocked by Jason, who rails against Bill and calls him a fanger. Sookie is shocked by his bigotry: "That's not who you are!" Where were you last season, Sookie? It kind of was who he was, as we'll see later when Jason digs up his old Fellowship of the Sun gear.

· Ruh roh, Sam's money-grubbing mom gets her turn in the morphing naked dog spotlight! All we get is her bare back. Double standard? (Sex: +1)

· Tara's shower of wholesome replenishing takes a naughty turn as she gets creative with the sudsy loofah and things turn into a sexy fantasy about Franklin (whose face is thankfully un-maced). (Sex: +4)

· Alfre Woodard is throwing things at Lafayette and babbling. (Violence: +1) How are we feeling about Alfre Woodard in this part, everyone? It's not quite working for me. Lafayette is best when he's calling people names and throwing shade, and he can't do that when he's calmly feeding Alfre scenery to chew.

· A scantily-clad Sookie is sunbathing to get over Bill. She IS a blond. (Sex: +2) Tara makes an unflattering comparison of Bill to Franklin, and does Sookie even know who the hell Franklin is? Sookie is like, "Sorry Tara, I haven't been following your subplot. Hell, I just had to go on Netflix to find out what Jason was even doing last season."

MIDWAY POINT: Sex is leading Violence, 12 to 9. Could this be a comeback for Sex, which has been on the ropes for the last few weeks (beaten even by Tara's Crazy Eyes in the previous episode)?

Pages: 1 2