Warehouse 13's Relic Roundup: 3D Goes Too Far!

Ah, Warehouse 13. After the fairly uninspired density-altering gym sorts of last week, let us hope this week's adventure lends itself to a little more excitement -- a little more of that heavy-handed history tweaking you do so well. So where will it be? To what far off place will your heroes go in search of this week's fugitive artifact? What imponderable circumstances will-- what? They're not going anywhere new this week? They're just staying in Univille and developing what look to be short-lived romances? Well, that's not very fun, now is it? Regardless! Read on for a breakdown of the artifacts unearthed in Beyond Our Control.

Artifact: Item 186A (projector not important enough to have a real name)

Specifications: Developed by Philo Farnsworth himself (or so the story goes) around 1944, this projector puts those shiny new 3D TV's to shame! This week, it projects a recently laid-off postal worker's B-movie marathon onto the streets of Univille, bringing to life mad scientists, cowboys and trident-wielding gladiators.

Covetability: Low. It might be fun for a while -- and I'll bet the depth-of-field effects would be much improved -- but you could never watch anything with more excitement than, oh, say, The View. Actually, that's really pushing it.

(An aside: Was I the only one who found it funny that Artie mentioned Univille is unincorporated? Do unincorporated areas even have post offices? These are the questions, Warehouse 13!)

Artifact: Claudia's hacked Farnsworths

Specifications: I remember lamenting last week Claudia's too-convenient ability to manufacture a solution to any Warehouse dilemma, and here she goes again: This circuit-bent walkie talkie is now a compass that points to danger! Or, at least, points to the dangerous, tangible broadcasts that share its frequency.

Covetability: Low. You would just never need this? Though, the pre-hacked Farnsworths are highly covetable.

(Another aside: The episode culminates with Claudia scrounging to rewire the projector amid a lot of last-minute teeth gnashing and gibes from Artie. She succeeds, and it feels really inevitable -- not in a we-acknowledge-we're-using-a-formula-but-it's-OK-because-it's-funny way, but in a sneaky, they'll-never-pay-attention-to-this-jargony-dialogue way. May next week's conflict be resolved not with indiscernible technical solutions, but with a clever employ of artifact?)

And finally:

Artifact: The SciFi network.

Specifications: It didn't use Warehouse 13 to lead in to WWE on Tuesday nights.

Covetability: High. Are you also nostalgic?