Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List Reality Check: 'Kathy's Smear Campaign'

Kathy Griffin returned to form on this week's D-List, spreading her legs in front of strangers several times and seeming thrilled about it. Her "public pap smear" may have been a dorky stunt, but at least it was less self-important than her mortifying trip to Washington D.C.. Let's forage through the blinding vajazzle of this week's episode and figure out its most real and hacky moments.

REAL: The guy running Kathy's book signing needs her to move it along.

Far and away the realest moment of last night's episode was this horrifying man's exasperation as Kathy took time to personalize each of her signatures at a Barnes & Noble signing. Since he wasn't satisfied lurking behind her and scowling as customers walked away happy, he unleashed more Shakespearean fury during confessionals, yammering on about "moving it along" and "time constraints" and Yorick's skull and Desdemona's infidelity and just all this nonsense. As he finished the last stanza of his asthmatic soliloquy, Kathy's book editor stepped and in and announced, "It's because she cares." Faced! Her message to the huffy animal man was clear: Get thee to a Chuckle Hut and learn to let go, sir.

FAKE: Kathy's austerity during cancer testimonials

Before her flashy public pap smear, Kathy took time to speak with cancer survivors, including one who went on to have children after having much of her cervix removed. Sad, inspiring anecdotes were shared. Tears rolled. And Kathy made this face that was a disturbing mosaic of Diane Sawyer's squint, Connie Chung's pucker, and V.I. Warshawski's composure. It didn't help Kathy that the scene felt note-for-note like her consultation with gay members of the military last week, from the parlor room staging to her compulsory head nods. When she's going for "visibly moved" next time, she should add Meredith Vieira's soft sighs and a pinch of Sorceress Tyra's shamanic authority, otherwise she just looks a tired infomercial star pretending to sympathize with an audience member's triumphant discovery of Claritin.