What's On: Deadliest Catch's Darkest Hour

Deadliest Catch features its most emotional episode tonight, and you can bet we'll be glued to our seats, unless fun auditioners from America's Got Talent or a public medical exam on Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List rivet us first.

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List [Bravo, 10 PM]

In an effort to promote women's health and, oh, maybe herself, Kathy embarks upon a public pap smear. Afterward, a club date in New York ultimately leads to a connection with Joy Behar. Aha, so that's where Behar's recent supportive comments came from.

America's Got Talent [NBC, 9 PM]

The second week of semifinal performances commences with another 12 acts competing in the Top 48. At this point, all three of the judges have other things on their mind: Piers Morgan wants Larry King's chair, Sharon Osbourne's booking gigs with pride parades in West Hollywood, and Howie Mandel's got germs and model-brandished briefcases to think about.

Deadliest Catch [DSC, 9 PM]

Phil Harris dies while the crew faces a horrible storm. Josh informs everyone of his father's death, and we all die for awhile inside. Let's set aside a second hour to collect our thoughts afterward.

Twilight [TMCe, 8 PM]

It's time to look back and figure out how this whole massacre started. A surly teen girl (Kristen Stewart) meets a vampire (Robert Pattinson) and gradually falls in love. There are no werewolves in sight (yet). Also, the surly teen is stupid for not figuring out he's a vampire earlier: He is too shiny and pale-skinned and suffering from Asperger's. All the telltale signs were in place from the beginning!