Michael Cera Flirts with 100% Facetious Record During Playboy Interview

Look, we know Michael Cera can be a difficult interview (though we managed it): the star is so fond of making up wild stories and sarcastic asides that you really have to dig deep to get anything real. Pity the poor Playboy interviewer, then, who caught him on the most facetious day of his life.

The magazine just sent some quotes over the transom from Cera's 20Q feature, and I think it manages exactly what the actor intended: I actually know less about him after reading it.

On the worst pickup line he's ever had the courage to say: "Hey, lady, those are some sexy-*ss extensions. I guess you won't mind if I extend to you a personal invitation to party with me one-on-one in a scary motel room."

His tongue-in-cheek thoughts on ex-boyfriends, both real and fictitious: "Well, my current girlfriend's ex-boyfriend is [actor] Danny Trejo, and he and I get along famously. Just last week the three of us played squash. It was me and Danny versus Tanya. We absolutely destroyed her. At one point after the crushing defeat, she very obviously had tears in her eyes. Danny and I shared a hearty and satisfying laugh over it."

On losing his virginity: "To be honest I don't remember too much about it. All I remember is I had been awake for almost 86 hours, I was on the roof of a Public Storage building in what seemed to be a freezing rainstorm, and Crispin Glover was there with a disposable camera he kept winding even though it had clearly run out of exposures. My memory of it has fogged as time has gone by, and I've pushed it out of my mind, though I do seem to remember something about a plastic Academy Award for best grandson being involved. You might say it was my first brush with the finer side of show business."

On whether he prefers women who take charge: "Yes, but they're hard to find. For example, when I go out to a restaurant I know every girl in there wants to come say hi and be sexually aggressive, but they're all so gripped by shyness that they don't even make a move. In some cases the shyness is so severe they won't even look at me."

His joking response to Judd Apatow and Jonah Hill joking that he's "irritating" and "a f*cking *ss": "The truth of the matter is I'm too classy to ever come out and speak any truth about those reprobates, and they're both classless enough to knock on me and my problems. Between you and me--and I'll thank you not to print this--those two used to come in to work and quite literally spit in the face of crew members. I once saw Jonah pinch the prop master. They'd pour salad dressing in the coffee and sometimes even grab people and kiss them hard on the mouth. To me this sort of behavior in a working environment is deplorable. Then I participate maybe once in a game of throwing shoes at the on-set medic, and all of a sudden I'm painted as the villain of the whole production. That's the brilliance of Jonah and Judd."

On co-star Anna Kendrick's transition from working with George Clooney to him: "Natural transition is not the phrase I would use. Handsome transition seems to be a better phrase to encapsulate what that lucky girl has experienced."

On whether he was an acting prodigy, or simply playing himself in his role on Arrested Development: "For sure an acting prodigy."

On whether he is more inclined to take movie roles in which he plays a musician: "Yes. In fact I turned down the lead role in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps because that idiot Oliver Stone didn't think the character should play the alto sax."

Sigh. Cera, you've got some fun anecdotes that are actually real! Did Paper Heart not get the yen for maybe-fake meta out of your system? Is this a Celebrity Rehab addiction that Dr. Drew is willing to take on?

Michael Cera: 20Q [Playboy]