5 More Things to Hate About Ryan from The Real World

Even though Knight served himself a victory slice of Jemmye last night, The Real World felt surprisingly sedate last night. We can attribute this fact to Ryan, our grand duchess of drama, who just wasn't featured much. While that makes it difficult to name another 25 problems I have with his existence, I can still tack on another five that make me want to call up Bunim-Murray Productions and curse like a backwoods Howard Stern listener. Let's count 'em off!

1. The fact that he even wants McKenzie is bizarre -- and appropriate. The two most moralizing people in the house deserve to be wrist-slapping, non-sexual frenemies. Let's draw a purity ring around both of them for the rest of the season.

2. Just... what is with the constant snarl? The constant befuddlement at everyone else's actions? It is infuriating when elitist people don't realize they don't get it. It is particularly infuriating when a man with "crunkcore" style is the elitist.

3. He is too excited about saying the word "cuddle." "Cuddle." It's a word you shouldn't love. Like "tickle" or "snark."

4. In the preview for next week's episode, he again rubs his bare ass on Preston's bed. Someone more qualified than I am should go Freudian on that.

5. And his biggest crime yet: His horribleness is somehow lovable. It has made this show good again. Oh, it hurts.